With appreciation for Woody

Quote of this past week:

Cass (after catching the disc for an hour and a half): "I can't feel my hand anymore!"

Matt W: "We call that the stranger."



"You don't post that much lately." says the imaginary fan of my work.

"I've been doing a lot of stuff" I say, which is the common excuse used by neglectful bloggers everywhere. "That and not much has been going on."

Are these excuses valid? Depends, what are you demanding? Are they true? Absolutely.

What have I been up to?

-Played my last game of indoor soccer, I hope ever. It was fine I guess and I love my teammates (..for he who sheds his blood with me on this day shall be my brother...) but indoor is too confined, too much of a melee, and not nearly the same as being outside. Thanks for a great season anyway 4 Ton Mantis. Congrats to BJ, Cass, and Scrappy for their awards, which were all well deserved.

-Got really drunk on St. Patty's and went to two great parties. Thanks to the hosts: Janice and the Frisbee guys. I got probably top ten of all time style wasted and got slapped around by a lot of people. Then some asshole broke a glass over a drinking game.

-Teaching Cass how to play Ultimate. She is taking to it well, although she is her own worst critic. She's going to rock once we get on the field and the other girls can't keep up with her.

-Played soccer tonight at the lighted courts at Sheridan. Had a blast, but exhausted myself. My legs feel like rubber and my eyes are playing tricks on me so I think I'm updating my blog but I'm probably busy typing on the blender right now. Thanks to those who played: Oli Oli Oxenfree, Drogos the Dragon, Twinkletoes, the Diplomat, and Anne (who I just met tonight but I will invent a nickname for right now) the Super Turbo Ghost Ninja.

Also I plan on writing a movie review tomorrow. I am going to start reviewing films I Netflix in hopes that you (the rest of the blogging community) will do the same so that we can have a streamlined Netflix system between us (move recommendations up, lampoons down).

A docent portrayal.

I played host this past weekend for my brother and sister-in-law. They had Monday off so they came down for the weekend and we hit up MSI, the Field, and the Shedd. Good times were had by all.

MSI needs to be renovated. I mean a complete overhaul. I had been there two years ago and I liked it then but when I saw it this time I realized how rarely they update anything. A good hint is how all the computers and videos have the obvious imprint of the 80s on them. Of all the types of museums in existence a science museum should be updated most regularly to stay current.

The Field is the same as it always is, interesting and large yet somewhat tedious at times. I do enjoy myself there but it is the museum I visit most often with guests due to its location. The nature/animal section seems to go on for miles. Sue is still there and she is still a beauty. The Egyptian tomb remains unchanged, which might be an interesting commentary on something if I could piece together a decent analytical sentence.

The Shedd was enjoyable as always. They provide a good mix of things so that you are not just looking at fish tank after fish tank. The lizard exhibit was exceptionally well done but as always the best parts are the otters and penguins. Scariest exhibit were the ants after Cass educated me on exactly how these particular ants would kill me.

A note of chauvinism: The Field has an overabundance of hottie hot hots. I do not know why this is but the other two museums were far behind in the physical attractiveness of patrons, and that's not just because I was there.

Unnecessary Book Review: The Cobweb

Recently finished reading The Cobweb by Neal Stephenson and J. Frederick George. My thoughts:

-Really interesting to read a book from Stephenson set entirely in a time frame I experienced.

-Carl Banks ranks among the most kickass of Stephenson characters, those being Nell, Y.T., and Bobby Shaftoe.

-Stephenson is an amazing author when it comes to mixing intellectual thought with action. The story is well thought out and involving.

Where does this rank among my favorite Stephenson books? I would say it was better or on par with Snow Crash but still not as good as Diamond Age or Cryptonomicon. However among all the books of his that I have ever read this one strikes me as the easiest to make the transition to film/TV.

This is super relevant because of this article that makes me all happy on the insides.

Overall, this book is fun and smart. The characters feel very real and I felt sincere concern for their well-being. I give it one thumbstar out of zero.

Favorite part: Stephenson's exposition on a grad student having to write grants and include specific language that doesn't mean anything (buzzwords) to get more money. Terms like "negative body count." That kind of nonsense was very familiar.

This is ruining my birthday.

Thanks to all who made it out for our birthday celebration on Sat. I had a blast and it was great to see everyone. Special thanks to Tom and Jay for driving the furthest to be there and helping with the setup/cleanup of the party.

It's my birthday and I had to wake up an hour earlier than usual to be at work for a conference call.

Keep an eye on Cass's blog for pictures from the party.

Work? No. Today's gonna be a holiday.

Joint Birthday party for myself, Cass, and Colyn.

My place. 8pm. Saturday the 24th.

You are invited. Bring booze, we will have food.

If you need directions, email or call.

When you're mining for coal and you forget what coal is...

I've had kind of a spacy week. It started out with Martha lashing into me with a sarcastic barb that to be fair I probably deserved.

Last week Wed. was Valentine's Day which came and passed as it does every year for me: without fanfare. My feelings on Valentine's Day are as follows: yes, it is a greeting card holiday but what is the harm of doing something nice for each other?

That night we had co-ed ultimate practice and I convinced Cass to come play. She had previously mentioned that I never invite her to come learn the sport that I devote so much of my time to so on the evening in question I forced her to come play. We had a good time.

Thursday was Cass's birthday. Fortunately for me I had a meeting downtown (Sears Tower, 50 somthingth floor!) so I had a chance to stop by and pick up a new soccer ball and some socks for her. That night we had a good game and another victory for 4 Ton Mantis. Cass's parents and Jay watched us play which was fun and later Colin and Nate joined us at Tuman's for a birthday celebration. Cass got drunk, which as I said before is more cute than anything else.

Friday evening I took Cass out to dinner for her birthday. Dinner at Rosal's is always good. This time I got veal, which made me wonder what baby everything tastes like. I had a good time. Afterwards we journeyed to Logan Square for a night of poker. I lost my $10, mostly to Nate I believe. I'm okay with this since his hair is growing out and I can convince myself that I lost my money to a feudal lord.

Saturday I had an ultimate game against DePaul. We won 17-10 in about three inches of snow. It was a blast but it didn't really help us evaluate anything in the way of what we need to work on. Sloppy conditions more than lack of experience changed the game. Saturday night Andre and Katie were in town for Katie's birthday and they invited me and Cass downtown for dinner and drinks along with Katie's brothers and Gabe and Emily. These people are always good company. Andre was entertaining as always.

Sunday morning I made waffles and had Ultimate practice. Practice turned out to be a good workout and strategy session. Our meeting after was entertaining and productive. Then we went to Logan Square for games and conversation that was not productive and only marginally entertaining. Then I stopped talking to the dog and had a good time with everyone there.

As I typed all that out I realized I had a busy week last week. That's what I meant when I said it was a spacy week because I barely remember

"I found a fatal flaw in the logic of love..."

Colin: Everyone blog about this. Jay, do it.
Jay: Well, I don't...
Colin: If you don't do this, we aren't friends anymore.

Happy B-Day Lily.

What did we do with the ball?

Team 4 Ton Mantis started their win streak last night. We finally got to play a game against opponents that were not overtly aggressive. We played well together, using tight controlled passing to open up our game and get some quality shots on goal.

Anne impressed all in her first game showing great poise and delivering powerful strikes at the goal when given the opportunity.

BJ as always played every end of the floor and served as a stopper, stealing the ball from the opponent on our end of the floor to turn their attack into a chance for us.

Cass was able to turn her aggression down a notch for our friendlier opponents, but still played strong and controlled her end of the field, in addition to finding the spaces for strikes that found the back of the net or hurt someone foolish enough to stand in the way.

Colyn showed athleticism in all parts of the field, able to cover half the field if necessary and skying every opponent to put a nice head on the ball. Colyn is all about nice head. And killing shots fifteen feet high of the goal.

Dave Lamb placed some nice shots and played his usual confusing (that’s a compliment, the opponents are confused) style of British football. When he isn’t deftly touching the ball he is saying something funny and British.

Dave M. played hard and had numerous excellent scoring opportunities from nice touches or clean passes. His strikes were very good at finding opponents’ hands.

John continues to improve his game every week. This week he attacked in addition to outstanding stopping ability in the goal against opponents at even point blank range.

Leslie did a very good job of controlling her area of the field and clearing the ball from danger. She also continues to improve her game and should be a superstar by the end of the season.

Martine played a strong control game and attacked opponents who dared to enter her area of the field, stripping even the most adept strikers to prevent chances.

Mike played every inch of the field and showed great teamwork by passing to others instead of forcing shots. He accounted for half of the goals scored in the night if we count an own goal.

Seth played in the box almost exclusively and shut down the opponents. Solid strikes were deflected away as easily as annoying flies by the cow’s tail, and he also showed no fear in advancing far out of the goal to strip the ball from an attacker.

Lastly, Janice cheered well and performed all the duties of a captain, proving that her team spirit was not injured in the fall.

4 Ton Mantis won it 8-2.

Thanks to everyone for making it a fun night. I regret that there were members of the team unable to attend. We made up for some of the absence by screaming “Wahck eeyt!” from the sidelines as often as possible.

I am a monkey.

Tom and Steve were in town this past weekend so I spent most of my time hanging with them and being sore. The soreness came from running a lot with the Frisbee team on Friday, not from me being upset at something.

Super Bowl was fun even if the Bears couldn't manage the win. I went to two parties. Both were enjoyable and I got to spend time with a lot of friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. I did miss the halftime show. Thank god for YouTube.

Currently, what has been dominating my thoughts has been my ears. Perhaps this requires further explanation. I will make this so.

After the Super Bowl at BS, CT, and JM's, we all went outside to the square for a game of football. Good times were had by all, but some facts are worth mentioning.
-It was well below zero with the wind chill.
-I was not dressed appropriately.
-I was very drunk
-Every football game should have a bottle of whiskey in a fountain ready for access.
-The cops were called to break us up.

Every one walked away bruised and sore. Not to be self-centered except that I'm about to forget about everyone else's little wussy problems and focus on mine, but I got beaten up. My nose got cracked at some point so now it is soft, sore and swollen. My knees got rocked as my jeans provided little padding. The left was covered with frozen blood after the game. Most importantly, I was drunk and didn't think to ask to borrow a hat and instead played with nothing covering my (stupid) head.

The result of making this decision? Frozen ears, possibly frostbittten, as after returning home and showering they turned bright red and swelled up to ridiculous size. Cass snapped this picture to capture the first manifestation of my inner-monkey that has waited so long to finally make an appearance.

Still had a good time.

My relevance is equalled by crapulence

I haven't had a chance to do anything crazy recently. Mostly just working and hanging around with friends in casual settings suitable for the sensitive ears of a near-one-year-old British/American ragamuffin.

Most of my activities are already on written record in the more populated areas of the blogosphere by the time I have a chance to get finger to keyboard so I don't find the need to write often.

Therefore I must focus on my unique experiences lest some other more motivated web journalist scoop me.

UNNECESSARY BOOK REVIEW

I finished Live From New York. It is a backstage look at SNL as told by the cast, writers, producers, etc. The book is mostly quotations from interviews performed with said individuals. The book follows chronologically starting with the formulation for the ideas of the first show, it's casting, the airing, and then follows along up to the end of the 2002 season.

The book was mostly enjoyable in a celebrity gossip kind of way. There are no brilliant insights or revelations of philosophical importance. It is mostly people just reflecting on a time in their life that they treasured and the people that they miss. There are a lot of funny stories told by the people involved which gives it a lot of appeal. The writers interject to introduce sections and mostly provide factual information.

The book does have its shortcomings. Just about everyone oversells the importance of SNL. I would be willing to bet that more than 75% of the people interviewed would rank it as not only their favorite TV show of all time but the most important of all time as well. They claim that it is the most politically subversive show and glorify Michaels' stance to let writers be as political as they desire. If it were just those interviewed being self-important it would be fine, but the writers seem to enjoy it as well. Most of the time they are editorializing it is to say how great Lorne Michaels' ass is or something.

I enjoyed the book. My recommendation is to read it if you find the people on the show funny (Murray, Belushi, Carvey, Rock, etc.) because they are mostly funny in the book. It makes a good toilet book because the quotes are neatly divided so it is very easy to pick up and put down at any point. Don't go out of your way to read it for a complete dissection of SNL culture. It's mostly talks about parties, drugs, and jerks.

Favorite stories/moments:
-Belushi and Akroyd were walking down the street one time and Belushi was hit by a truck. He got up and walked away.
-Steven Seagal and Robert Blake seem to be the consensus for biggest jerks ever to host the show.
-Steve Martin and Tom Hanks seem to be the consensus for best hosts. I would have to agree if only for the Brocktoon sketch.
-By far my favorite story is from when Chevy Chase came to host in the crappy season in the mid 80s. Apparently Chevy can be a real jerk to people when he comes back to host. Terry Sweeney was an openly gay actor in the cast. From Jon Lovitz:
"...there was a meeting of the writers and staff. So Chevy looks at Sweeney and goes, "You're gay, right?" Terry goes, "Yes, what would you like to do for you?" Chevy goes, "Well, you can start by licking my balls."

Indoor football tomorrow. Time to listen to speed metal at insane volumes for the next 36 hours to get jacked.

You gotta take money to make money.

Haven't posted in a while. Read my previous two posts to find out what I've been busy with.

First frisbee practice in a while last night. Sprinted hard and had a good time. My legs are sore.

Checked out the NYTimes today. This article caught my eye. Seems Ford didn't do so well. That's what they get for relying on SUVs and Pickups. "The biggest blow to Ford in recent years has come from rising gasoline prices, which depressed sales of the big pickups and sport utility vehicles it depends on for profits." No shit.

I started thinking about this though, not about Ford or gas prices but the dollar figure itself. $12.7 billion dollars. That's a lot of money. I started to think about how much money this actually was and I've come to the following conclusions: a) I'm curious to know how many countries have a gross domestic income less than what Ford lost, and b) I would be an awesome rich guy.

Louis C K has a great bit about this where he talks about Bill Gates and all the crazy stuff he could do with his money. He says "If I had that much money, I wouldn't have it for long because I would just think of all the crazy stuff I could do with it." This is how I feel. To give you an idea of how much money this actually is, think of it this way:
At $100/hr for an entire year you would make $100*40*52 = $208,000 in a year. That is just over one hundred thousandth of $12.7 billion. You could sit in the champagne room of a strip club for eight hours a day, every work day, for an entire year at $500/hr and still only spend about one ten thousandth of your money.

List of crazy things I would do with this much money:
-buy an island, build a mansion on it, and then blow the whole island up using military grade explosives
-make a movie adaptation of "Progress the Monkey"
-make a movie adaptation of "Buzby, Berkeley, and Katrina"
-buy a blimp and use it throw pinatas out onto Michigan Ave during holidays
-buy a major newspaper and include one made up story somewhere in the paper everyday, but do not tell your writing staff or your editors; when/if confronted, insist that the stories are true no matter how ridiculous they are
-buy a custom made Aston Martin V8 Vantage Roadster; I know that's not ridiculous, I just love that car

This is just a short list. I could keep going but I have work to do. Imaging if Ford had done any of these things instead of making cars.

First soccer game tonight. I'm pumped.

"You know what the best part is? It's not knowing that your friends have your back...

it's knowing that you have theirs."

On Friday I worked hard all day at the labs. I didn't have time to check my email messages at all that day. I worked pretty much straight through from 9 to 5 checking up on things and showing the grad students how to perform certain procedures. When I finally got home I was tired and really hungry.

I got home and immediately grabbed a bite to eat (yogurt and something that escapes me right now). I sat down in front of my computer with my yogurt to check my mail for the first time that day. I was greeted with the usual spam, some notes from my mom, some other things.

Then I came to an email from Colyn. It was titled simply "Hank...". This struck me as odd so I opened the email.

Hank, a 22 year old senior at UIC and one of the captains of the UIC Men's Ultimate team, was killed in a car accident late Thursday night.

I sat in shock for a while and then began to sort out some thoughts. My thanks to Cass who gave me a hug and told me to sit down with some water and just relax for a minute.

Hank was a fun teammate and a good friend. I honestly think he may have frustrated me more than anyone else on the team just because I knew how much potential he had if he would put forth more effort. That's not to say he didn't try hard, it's just to say that I always felt that with motivation he could be more. We laughed, drank, and played together and I will miss him dearly. My deepest sympathy to his family and loved ones.

Again, no long speeches on the meaning of life or anything like that. Time for my favorite Hank story.

Sectionals two years ago. The final game for UIC was against U of C, a friendly team that we have developed a good rapport with. Both teams have been eliminated from contention at this point. To start the game off it is customary to flip discs (similar to a coin toss) but to end the day right the decision was made to have a shotgun line. Our two best drinkers vs. their two best, first man starts to shotgun his beer and the second player cannot start until he has finished. We send Sean and Hank to the line. Sean and Hank proceed to finish their beers before their first player had even finished his. Hank, as anchor, finishes his beer to seal the victory, crushes his can with his fist, spikes it on the ground, turns to the U of C team and says "Welcome to public school, Bitches!"

On Saturday I played soccer for three hours. During the game I got a call from my brother. The father of a good friend Chuck (one of four groomsmen at my brother's wedding) passed away over Friday night. I did not know the man, but my heart goes out to his family.

I can only look to the quote that is the title of this post (and Hank's favorite movie quote) and decide exactly how much that means to me.

I resolve to evolve.

So Florida won the National Championship. On the one hand I hate Florida schools, but on the other hand I really hate Ohio State, THE losers of the National Championship game.

In this New Year I have come to accept the following fact: I hate running. Not the act of running, but the sport of running. I know it keeps me in shape and I feel good afterwards but it kills my legs and I become ridiculously bored. No offense to Cass, my running partner and my inspiration to actually go outside most nights.

The point is that I am tricking myself to get into better shape. On a playing field during Ultimate I feel like I can run for hours but when I am just outside running I finish two miles and get annoyed so I stop. It does feel healthy so I will keep it up but in order to encourage myself to get active I am participating in as much as possible. I plan on playing in city Ultimate leagues as usual but I am also playing indoor soccer. This in addition to practicing for these sports when possible should keep me moving and in shape.

In related news, I am absolutely psyched for soccer. So to encourage the hype train here are some great clips from YouTube. Watch them at your leisure.

Thierry Henry = Better Than You

Top 10 Goals from the Premiership Season (first half)
(Number 2 is a personal favorite, but Number 1 is awesome)

Update: I posted this, and then I decided to check the weather. It is supposed to get significantly cold this next week. It's below freezing outside now (9pmish) and I would normally run in the evening so it looks like this won't be happening for a while. I better get used to the idea of using Cass's elliptical machine.

Moments of silence punctuated by uproarious laughter.

I haven't blogged in a while. This is for a number of reasons that I will now blog about as is the custom among the bloggerati. A large volume of work has kept me busy with...well work. My New Year's celebration was enjoyable however it has been chronicled already. And most significantly was the very recent passing of a family friend.

The man was the husband of my mother's best friend since before my older brother was born. This woman is honestly one of my favorite in the world. She is constantly full of life and spunk and has never once said anything but a kind word to me. Seeing her cry makes me hurt in that soft part in the middle.

The funeral was actually perhaps the best I have ever been to, whether that is appropriate to say or not. It was an actual celebration of the man's life as opposed to a sermon or melancholy obligation. Personal friends got up to share anecdotes that made everyone realize what they loved about the man. There was mourning, but there was also laughter. Every person's funeral should have that.

I honestly didn't know the man too well, but I knew he made his wife happy and was kind to me when I met him. I am sad that the world is without him.

I don't want to get introspective and rant about my feelings about the afterlife or spirituality or anything like that. I'm not that kind of person. Funerals/death don't really have that effect on me. Instead I want to do what I can by sharing my favorite story about "Big Jim" that I heard.

When they were teenagers Jim and his brother were hired to paint a house. Jim's brother apparently didn't pay attention when they arrived to the house and pulled up into the driveway. After unloading the tools and ladders and so forth from their truck the brother asked Jim how he wants to split the workload. Jim said that he would take the front of the house and that the brother could take the back since the back would be easier since no one really sees the back and his brother could be a little less careful. "Go ahead and you'll be done in no time," Jim said. Jim's brother worked all day to finish the back. As it was getting dark he finally finished and came around to the front to find Jim relaxing with some beers from the cooler. He had been done for several hours. The house was half brick in front.

Literal Christmas

Christmas has come and passed without apocalypse. Looks like Weird Al was wrong.

I enjoyed my time in Milwaukee this past weekend. I got to relax and leave everything behind for four days. That felt good. I haven't done that in a long time as most vacations involved a lot of activity or included work in between drunken spectacles.

I hung out with my friends that I hadn't seen in a long time on Friday night. I actually drove straight to Andre's instead of my brother's place. The highlights for me included Mike and J detailing what should have happened in Rocky Balboa. Needless to say their version of the film featured a zeppelin race between Rocky and Kaiser Adrian Balboa. Also high on the list would be David trying to convince my older brother Luke to become "The New Caleb."

After that the rest of the time was devoted to my brother's couch relaxing with MST3K and Futurama (and XBox) or family XMas activities. Good food and mostly pleasant conversation made for an enjoyable weekend. Highlight for me was sitting down with my Dad and creating a list of movies he thought I should add to the Netflix queue.

Now a list of swag:

• Animaniacs Season 1 DVD (Katie and I seem to have taken to hunting for gifts for one another that we both enjoy, as if beyond the bargains and checkout lines we will set upon common ground)
• Blue Fleece
• Grey Thermal Sweater
• Plaid PJ pants
• Monkey wall hooks
• Running Gloves (thanks Cass, very subtle)
• Earphones (see above)
• Kiss Kiss Bang Bang DVD
  

Prior to this weekend, after finishing Special Topics in Calamity Physics, I was figuring out books I wanted to read. I didn't own any that I wanted desperately to pick up so I was concerned. I borrowed Charlotte's Web from Cass and will finish that soon, however I was worried I would get mostly DVDs from my Amazon list (as it is mostly composed of DVDs). Animaniacs is the only DVD I received from my list. Now a look at books I received:

• Moneyball
• The Cobweb
• Quicksilver
• Beyond the Band of Brothers
• The Devil's Disciple

I will now set about learning to read.

"Punch him, you stupid goomba!"

Attending an opening night screening of Rocky Balboa with CT and JM. I don't want to say I was dragged into it but I am glad that I had whiskey packed. My review:

I think Stallone overestimates and underestimates his audience in this movie. He doesn't do anything to make his opponent in this movie likable, which I feel is a mistake. It's a Rocky movie so the fans would be cheering for Rocky anyway. I thought the movie should have been about passing the torch.

Then he overestimates his audience with the ending. I don't want to spoil it, but I guarantee more than half the audience walked out of the theater disappointed. I got the ending, I just felt that it didn't have the impact it should have.

Are there good moments? Yes. A lot of them are nostalgia related though, meaning you'll say to yourself "Haha I remember that from Rocky X" (X being a variable here, not a ten). The musical score is there although "Eye of the Tiger" is not which kind put me in a down mood.

There are points in the movie where it really seems like Sly gets it and knows exactly what he is doing. Then there are times where he seems lost and unable to come up with the right lines. His reasons for fighting are especially lacking.

Overall, this movie is enjoyable for a die hard Rocky fan and not much else. Also, be drunk when you see it.

Apologies to JM for not making it clear that I had whiskey with me. I in no way intended for you to be sober.

One more note: prior to the movie they showed a trailer for a new movie called "Blood and Chocolate." I couldn't come up with a better joke title if I tried. Watch the trailer and try not to laugh when the title comes up.

Anticipation is a sweet smell.

I know it's not even Christmas yet but I can't help but look forward to the new year already. This new year is going to be a huge change for me as it will be the first year wherein I am not in school. I have to find a job and start working like a normal adult. This doesn't frighten me as I have made myself marketable over the past seven and one half years.

I don't want to focus on the big things just yet. Right now I'm actually looking forward to a lot of little stuff on the periphery of importance. Here's some stuff I am looking forward to:

Movies I am looking forward to seeing:
300
This movie looks so awesome. I saw the trailer (that link is there so that you will go watch both trailers so do it now [said in slurred Arnold accent]) before The Departed and two seconds into it I knew what it was and I got completely pumped. Marty, thanks for buying this for me (two years ago I think). I just get the feeling that I am going to walk out of the theater looking to start a fight with some random jokers.

TMNT and Transformers have a long way to go to get me motivated beyond "Do you realize 80s cartoons?"

Books I am looking forward to reading:
Watership Down
I never got a chance to read this in school so I had overlooked it until recently when a friend told me it is one of only two books that ever made her cry.

Live From New York
The real stories behind SNL sounded kind of "meh" to me until someone read it and said that it is very candid and funny. Apparently Chevy Chase is some kind of jerk.


Television I am looking forward to watching:
24
Last season was kind of contrived and predicatble, but last season also saw Jack Bauer shooting the terrorist who murdered his friends in the face. That is how good this show is; even when I am bored by the plot someone is being murdered in the most awesome way possible.

Of course I am also looking forward to continuing to watch The Office, Scrubs, and (I say this with prayer to nondenominational God) Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

Music I am looking forward to hearing:
Into Eternity
Harmonizing metal guitars? Check.
Awesome wailing hair metal voice? Check.
Canadian? Check.

The Thermals and Be Your Own Pet are two albums I purchased recently but didn't get a chance to listen to closely. Cursory review suggests marks in positive.

I read a book! Everyone look at me!!!

I know I haven't posted in a while but I was really proud of my previous article and was hoping that more people would read it if I left it up for longer. I assume the waves of hysterical fans are dropping by tomorrow.

I just finished Special Topics in Calamity Physics. Some thoughts:

-A lot of good ideas throughout the book. I am referring to a lot of pocketed ideas with no significant relevance to the story.

-It is kind of interesting to read a novel about a person growing up in high school at about the same time I was in high school. Not that I had similar experiences or felt like I could relate to a lot of what was there, but there was definitely a familiarity to it.

-The writing style is entertaining although sometimes distracting. Her narrative used is similar to a text book with citations to literature that never existed. It can be fun but at times seems tacked on.

-The beginning of the book is enthralling and the buildup does a good job of holding the reader's interest.

-I was waiting for a big explosion at the end of the book and got a different one than expected. Maybe I telegraphed things too much but the ending seemed a bit of a letdown. I can't say it was a disappointing book but to be honest I felt labored reading the last fifth of the book whereas I breezed through the beginning, sometimes staying up until two or three in the morning because I was completely immersed.

Overall, I'd have to say that I enjoyed most of the book and thought the narrative was more entertaining than not, the ending made me completely indifferent to the novel as a whole. I get a lot of the ideas presented in the book and I understand (at least I think I do) what she was trying to get across with the ending, I'm just not sure I connected with it. The ideas of bravery and dedication in relation to parenting and friendship are fine and dandy but there was a few more central ideas that could have been addressed. Specifically, I wanted the pretentious nature of all of the central characters exposed, but in the end only a few characters got the full treatment.

-I forgot this when I first posted, but it's worth saying that I really did like the very end of the book, and by that I mean the last two paragraphs of the last story chapter.

Do I recommend the book? If you have nothing else to read I'll lend it to you. I hope you do enjoy it. But I can't say I recommend going out of the way to read it.

Overall Grade: You can go anywhere for book reviews with shortcut grades at the end. You come here for my inventive diction and comical self-loathing. This book gets 3 pissporkers out of five. Now I'm going to get in the shower and sob at my pasty body.

Five Great Onscreen Deaths That Stayed With Me

EDIT 12/13/2006: I realized that half of my Great Escape Commentary got cut off so that has been remedied. Reread it if you want a Merry Christmas otherwise you will have bad luck for seven years.

Movies were important to me growing up. Aside from family movie nights when we would all get together to watch something we rented from the local rental store, my father had a passion for watching old movies on TV. On Sundays after church and before the Packer game my father, my brother, and I would watch the best movies we could find on TV. A lot of these movies remain my favorites to this day. Some of the most significant moments that I can remember from these movies are death scenes. Watching a character die can be very significant for an adolescent. What follows is a collection of death scenes I saw as a child/youth/nubile/young adult/teenager/wait did I just call myself a nubile that still seem important to me today.

Hans Gruber in Die Hard

While I wasn’t strictly a kid when I saw this movie, I was young (I think 13) and to this day it remains the perfect action movie in my eyes and everyone else who is not f****** ignorant. The fight scenes in this movie are incredible, especially the fight with Karl. I wish I could throw a punch that looked anything like Bruce Willis’s punches in that scene. It’s the final showdown with the head terrorist that stands out to me though. John McClane is beaten, bloodied, and broken down. He has only two bullets left to take on the main villain (who is holding his wife at gunpoint) and two of his lackeys. When he finally wins it is the end of the longest night of anyone’s life. And all you can do is grin and say “f*** yeah” for him, because you finally got to see him overcome the odds and get a break. And you just watched him shoot a guy in the chest, another in the head, and then let the first guy fall off the 30^th floor of a skyscraper.

If you love Die Hard enough to comment on this I promise I will high five you next time we meet because Die Hard is awesome.

“Is there a movie I don’t die in? Dogma. Well, I end up in heaven in Dogma. Man, this is hard.”

Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars: A New Hope

I tried making this list without including this one, but it just seemed superficial. It’s unfair to discredit the emotional impact of the first time you watched the original trilogy just because of [note: see everything written about Episode 1-3 or George Lucas in the past five years]. They could easily be considered (and widely are) the most important movies for my generation. A large number of people my generation are degenerate burnouts and they would be unable to tell you how to diagram a sentence. But they could all tell you what substance Han Solo was frozen in. (Correct Answer: Who gives a s***.)

The first movie obviously struck a chord and started the mania. The special effects were incredible. The acting was mediocre. The plot was derivative of old samurai movies. The only thing that mattered to us was seeing the Empire stopped. Luke and gang raid the Death Star and save the Princess, but along the way, Luke loses his sage. He watches as Darth Vader strikes down Obi-Wan with his lightsaber. The only person he really had left after the death of his Aunt and Uncle. And we lost him too. We had to learn to keep going and never stop fighting, because the fight wasn’t over yet. But he was never really gone. He would be there to watch over our shoulder in our time of need, his words echoing in our ears, telling us to trust ourselves, and later he would be there to tell us the hot chick who kissed us was our sister. None of this mattered in that one instant however because we could do nothing but watch him be destroyed by the man who would embody everything evil. That one moment left us feeling helpless, ineffective, and alone. If you threw in impotent and drunk it would be just like prom night. *Wootingi.

“I was knighted. Ewan MacGregor starred in The Island. See the difference?”

Big X (and others) in The Great Escape

War movies can be difficult to watch because of the real emotions portrayed by the actors and actresses, especially if they are based on true stories. They give us a sense of perspective but also force us to confront some of the ugly realities of the world around us. The Great Escape is not the first World War II movie I saw, nor is it my favorite World War II movie. But I do distinctly remember the ending of the movie as the first time I truly understood what World War II movies are about. They are about not forgetting. And I find it tragically ironic that the kind of hipster jag that would roll his eyes while receiving this message is the same kind of person that would call his roommate a Nazi for not sharing his peanut butter.

The Great Escape is not necessarily an action movie, but I don’t know how else to categorize it. It is about prisoners of war doing all they can to try to escape from a prison designed to prevent escapes. They do this not because they have a desperate desire to be on the other side of the barbed wire. They do this because it is their duty to force the enemy to devote a disproportionate amount of resources to keeping them prisoner. They do this because it is their duty to be involved in the war effort against the greatest evil the world has known. At the end a large group of the escaped prisoners are captured by the S.S. and instead of being returned to the prison, they are gunned down in a field. The individual characters that are shot are not my favorite characters in the movie. This is because a) Steve McQueen is in the movie, and b) the individual characters are unimportant at this point. What makes this scene so memorable to me is that it was the first time I realized that not all endings are happy endings and most heroes don’t get to come home to a parade.

"We just have to get under the fence, through the woods, past the army of cloned dinosaurs, and then we’re free.”

Liberty Valance in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance

My father will never read this blog. It’s not that he hates it or is ashamed of his sons or anything we do, although my brother and I (mostly Luke) have certainly given him reason to be. Regardless, he will not see this list and will not know how much influence he has had over it. My father would not let this list exist without the inclusion of Liberty Valance. It is his favorite movie of all time and my father is cooler than your father. My dad met Lee Majors.

Here’s three reasons why the movie is great: John Wayne, Lee Marvin, and Jimmy Stewart. I have to admit that watching Jimmy Stewart shoot someone seems weird for a child who grew up in the It’s A Wonderful Life nonstop Christmas Season era. But this might be Jimmy Stewart as he is supposed to be: the everyman character with integrity that you can believe in. Lee Marvin is doing what he is supposed to as well: the scumbag character that you can hate. He is big, tough, and dirty. No one has had the courage to stand up to him. Jimmy Stewart finally does, and in the ensuing gunfight the impossible happens. This isn’t David vs. Goliath. It’s a bunny rabbit (not Harvey) vs. a wolf. Jimmy Stewart could barely hold a gun, never mind use one to outdraw Lee Marvin. But Liberty Valance goes down and the town is saved. It’s not actually that simple, but the whole point of the movie is that maybe it should be because everyone needs a hero. And sometimes the idea of Jimmy Stewart shooting Lee Marvin is more important than the fact that Lee Marvin is dead.

“You really think Mr. Smith could’ve killed me?”

Tommy J in My Girl

I am a woman. I have to be. How else can I explain the fact that I cried during this movie? This is the last movie I ever cried at. And then I watched football. You guys want to talk about power tools?

The movie wasn’t that complicated. Macaulay Culkin just played a normal, nerdy kid who was devoted to his friend and dreamed of romance. So when she looses her mood ring in the woods he goes to get it for her and ends up getting stung by bees. This kills him because he was allergic. On paper, that seems kind of like a stupid move and it could’ve easily been avoided, but when I was watching all I could feel was sadness. I think this was because I felt cheated when the kid died and missed out on everything just when things with the girl were progressing and this didn’t seem fair. Also possibly because I was ten years old and was stupid. It still felt like the kid next door dying for no reason, but life sometimes doesn’t give you reasons to understand things. This movie still stands out to me as being one of the saddest of all time. I had just cried at the Home Alone kid getting killed by bees and I wasn’t going to forget that soon.

“The last endearing thing I ever did.”

So these five deaths struck me as being important in some way. The death of a character can be a tricky thing for a filmmaker. It will often be the thing most remembered about the film. If done correctly, it will resonate and strike a chord with everyone who sees it. If done poorly, it can ruin everything else that the movie had accomplished. It’s just like the end of The Crying Game when the woman turns out to be a man. That actually had nothing to do with what I was saying but I just ruined the movie for anyone who hadn’t seen it yet so points for me.

"I'm naming him Captain Jerk."

Jay was on his way over to pick up some of his stuff. He had been at campus so he was walking down Polk and he found a dog outside shivering in the cold. He didn't see anyone to find the owner so he called here to make sure it was okay to bring him inside.

He's a yorkie, and he's old. The pictures were taken with my phone so you can't tell but his eyes are pretty clouded over. He didn't stop shaking for about 20 minutes of being inside. He was freezing. He didn't eat anything we offered or drink any water.

Jay and Cassie just left to take him to Animal Control. He had two tags, a City of Chicago and a rabies tag. They should be able to track where he belongs by one of those. If you know Cassie you better believe she is bringing him home if they tell her they'll take care of it and won't tell her where his home is.

I really hope we find the little guy's home and he's ok. I don't really want a dog but I don't want him put to sleep. He's pretty cute but needs a bath, so we have at least one thing in common.

Also, yorkie's look like miniature Silky Terriers, which is the kind of dog Charlie (my dog growing up that we had for about 15 years) was.

Update: Animal Control had him registered as a cat. Jay and Cassie took him back to the neighborhood where Jay found him and met a brother and sister walking another dog. They were looking for their other dog. Turns out his name is King.