Pitch meeting

What is with the rash of commercials recently where the people in them act like pompous dickbags? Is the idea that people will see the commercial and recognize behavior they find so hateful and annoying that they are compelled to buy your products and smash them? Or that the public is so desperate to be superior that if you show people acting smug about your product that people will assume it exudes that ever elusive smugness they crave?

It's just a question. Whatever, screw it. I'm on board. Here's some more ideas:

- Lord Byron and Oscar Wilde are playing golf in Hawaii. A twosome of Larry the Cable Guy and Tim Allen comes up and asks if they can play through. Byron and Wilde spend two minutes ridiculing Allen and Guy's shabby appearance. Buy Titleist.

- Bobby Knight runs over an entire kindergarten class. Buy Buick.

- Sean Penn is receiving and award at the You're So Amazing Awards. He checks his watch and it's on West African Daylight Time. Buy Timex.

- The cast of Jersey Shore is shown doing anything at all. Buy Axe Bodyspray.

Rate or Die

In a modern age when a) an increasing number of people watch TV online and b) almost all devices used by major cable companies have capabilities for rapid two way information exchange THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE but not for the reasons outlined in the article.

If you don't want to bother reading that the article talks about how the Nielsen ratings are determined by 25,000 households. That is approximately 0.0217 percent of the U.S. households. And that might sound shockingly low but the reality is that 25,000 is well above a statistically significant sample size. And as much as it sucks that a few hundred households means I can't watch Community I don't have a problem with the basis of the math.

The point is that the Nielsen rating system is antiquated and has some serious gaps in its measurements. The basis for the measurements was sound but technology has since evolved and a better understanding can be attained, and fairly easily. In addition it seems like networks could figure out ways to make money off of shows with devoted followings.

Regardless, I want Community back but I'm still a nerd.

When making things plural you can't forget DS

I read this list over at Kotaku. They did a pretty good job, and I can't say I've played all the games listed so I can't complain about the list too much, except I'm totally going to do that.

I won't ever be able to comment on Ghost Trick because I hated the Phoenix Wright games so damn much. I must be the only one. Ninja Gaiden was fun but the controls were so frustratingly specific that it was aggravating to play it at times.

Here's my top five though, in order:

1) The World Ends With You
They got the stuff about TWEWY just right. That game was fun and the characters and story were so great.
2) Might and Magic: Clash of Heroes
I can't find enough people to play this game against. I want a lot of them.
3) Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
4) The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass
All that stuff they said about Spirit Tracks was bull. The train was annoying, not fun in anyway. Sailing around was a million times more fun.
5) Professor Layton and the Unwound Future

This post was brought on by me playing the game Luke got me for Christmas: Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days. I don't think I like it very much. It's ok, I guess, but if you're going to have those first two words in your title I expect more than ok.

And yeah I'm avoiding posting about something major that happened recently (hint: I named my dog after him) that I should really get to. I will. I'm just processing I guess.

"A pox on your house."

I heard this expression the other day. It's an old fashioned curse/insult that old prospectors and possibly English lords used to throw at each other. I don't actually know the etymology.

What I do know is that the real, literal definition of what that means is "I hope your family gets sick and dies."

Sometimes being a literal person can be awesome.

Completely extremely no in any way related note: Congrats to Martha and Matt.

TripAgitator

Ok so a little back story: Cass and I are planning a vacation. We are looking at resorts and last minute deals and such. Trying to do due diligence when researching resorts is frustrating and stressful. I hate it. So when something like this rolls along it makes me smile a little.

We use TripAdvisor reviews among other things to try to get a feel for the places we are looking at. A feature I was unaware of allows the hotel staff to respond to the reviews. This almost never occurs, and I was unaware of it until we stumbled across Krystal Cancun. Therein almost every review has a reply from Paris Aguilar, who is apparently the Lobby Manager at this resort. And when I say almost every review I mean even ones where only one sentence is written, like "Enjoyed our stay, food was just ok but the staff was great!" Paris will be there with a followup. She is the Cal Ripken of whatever the hell I'm talking about.

So one reviewer posts a review and at first I am taken aback by how glib it is, because usually when people have a bad experience at these resorts they complain about it for nine paragraphs on these sites. But this one offered almost no detail, except to complain about Paris Aguilar by name.

I have come around to thinking that this is a troll by someone who, like me, happened upon the reviews and decided to mess with Paris Aguilar. And as you can see, it worked. So I'm hoping this is true and if so kudos to CR1412 for irritating a complete stranger so effectively.

I know why the raged bird sings (2011)

I'm late in getting to this but it's time for me to look back and say things I like.

GOOD

Movie: Hugo
I just loved this, and while the 3D helped I can't really call it essential to the film. Just a beautiful movie and the love Scorsese had for what he was doing really showed.
Runner-Up: Attack the Block
I'm seriously so close to flipping these. ATB was just awesome and fun.

Television: Louie
What Louis C.K. is doing with the format and power he was given is seriously incredible. There are episodes that remind you why he's a great comedian and others that remind you he's a great filmmaker. The whole package is only loosely related but it shows tremendous skill.
Runner-Up: Parks and Recreation

Music: The Joy Formidable - The Big Roar
I was more surprised by how much I like this album than anything else this year.
Runner-Up: Childish Gambino - Camp

Athlete: Robin van Persie
In all honesty I wasn't a huge fan of RvP up until last year. He was always that talented guy on Arsenal who was hurt too often. This past year was incredible though and even though I'd love for someone else on the team to score regularly it's hard to stop cheering. *note: still not my favorite player on the team
Runner-Up: Aaron Rodgers
It's undeniable that Aaron Rodgers in the calendar year 2011 was really awesome.


BAD

Movie: The Green Hornet
Not terrible, just terribly disappointing. I avoided seeing too many terrible movies this year.
Runner-Up: Horrible Bosses
Aimless.

TV: Whitney
Holy crap. NBC needs to seriously cut their losses and look for ways to just profit off their cult hits/critic's choice programming. Stop trying to appeal to whatever the hell this is aimed at.
Runner-Up: Hater

Music: The Lonely Island - Turtleneck and Chain
Just mediocre overall. Nothing really stood out except for two tracks, and one of those came out several months before the album.
Runner-Up: Jay-Z and Kanye West - Watch the Throne

Athlete: Sepp Blatter
Not actually an athlete but in the world of sport there is no bigger cat party.
Runner-Up: Ndomakung Suh
Special note: I decided to reserve these spots for people who do awful things within their realm of sport. Obviously the Penn State scandal was much worse but it wasn't within the realm of the sport. I have perspective.

Merry Religiously Nondenominational Holiday Time

Hope you all had a very wonderful holiday. I miss so many of you.

That video was awesome and opening night got me pumped for the season again, even if the Heat will win 60 games in a 60 game season. As a fan of both classic imagery in sports and anachronism it got to me. I want a huge poster of that last image.

Dive

The commercial above aired frequently during the MLB Playoffs and it really got to me.

Professionals. Do not attempt.

What could this possibly mean? Both parts of it have several explanations.

Professionals. Professional what? Professional people who grab lightning balls and jump out of planes at insane heights in order to hurl them into clouds? If this is the case, then awesome. And I am going to do everything in my power to attempt to do this.

Professional skydivers? Ok well that makes more sense at least. But I'm still not sure that a professional skydiver does what was depicted (jumping out of the back of a cargo plane) regularly.

Do not attempt. Which part of that do they not want me to attempt? The lightning ball freefall part? Because I just explained that is now the beginning and end of my bucket list.

Do not attempt to skydive? People do that all the time. Amateurs even. It's actually the lifeblood of the skydiving industry.

Do not attempt to skydive from extreme heights from the back of a cargo plane? I imagine if someone has the means to do that they are relying on other resources than a phone commercial for safety advice.

It's clear that Verizon believes we are stupidly insane or insanely stupid. I'm going to throw so much lightning at them.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

Men walkin' 'long the railroad tracks
Goin' someplace there's no goin' back
Highway patrol choppers comin' up over the ridge
Hot soup on a campfire under the bridge
Shelter line stretchin' round the corner
Welcome to the new world order
Families sleepin' in their cars in the southwest
No home no job no peace no rest

The highway is alive tonight
But nobody's kiddin' nobody about where it goes
I'm sittin' down here in the campfire light
Searchin' for the ghost of Tom Joad

He pulls prayer book out of his sleeping bag
Preacher lights up a butt and takes a drag
Waitin' for when the last shall be first and the first shall be last
In a cardboard box 'neath the underpass
Got a one-way ticket to the promised land
You got a hole in your belly and gun in your hand
Sleeping on a pillow of solid rock
Bathin' in the city aqueduct

The highway is alive tonight
But where it's headed everybody knows
I'm sittin' down here in the campfire light
Waitin' on the ghost of Tom Joad

Now Tom said "Mom, wherever there's a cop beatin' a guy
Wherever a hungry newborn baby cries
Where there's a fight 'gainst the blood and hatred in the air
Look for me Mom I'll be there
Wherever there's somebody fightin' for a place to stand
Or decent job or a helpin' hand
Wherever somebody's strugglin' to be free
Look in their eyes Mom you'll see me."

The highway is alive tonight
But nobody's kiddin' nobody about where it goes
I'm sittin' downhere in the campfire light
With the ghost of old Tom Joad

Brewers!!!!!!!!!

Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

Lisa Edelstein and Rena Sofer

I can't be the only one who didn't realize that these were two different actresses. Here I had been thinking for years that Zack Morris picked up Bobbie Bernstein in a Hawaiian airport and nope that's not true.

Somewhat related I also thought for some time that Paula Marhsall and Carla Gugino were the same person. I picked up on my mistake faster but just now realized that Marshall is seven years older than Gugino.

The El Word

I've been thinking something over lately as I take my morning train ride to work, and to a less extent during the ride home as well. It's the idea of chivalry vs. feminism.

I get on the train early enough in the route that I have a seat on all except the rarest occasion when the train is irrationally late. There's a joke to be made here about the train always being late but seriously unless it's a half hour behind I'm just too close to the end to be on a full car.

So then it falls to me that when the train fills up at say Belmont or Logan Square that I have to decide if I'm going to stand up and offer my seat to someone.

Now I always do this in the case of an elderly or handicapped person without question. But many times I find myself sitting while a woman is forced to stand. There was a time when such an act would have me branded an uncouth ruffian and forcibly removed from the Hunting Lodge that very evening. There was also a time when people died of ptomaine poisoning and blamed it on ghosts.

I'm a staunch advocate for women's rights and gender equality. So by not giving up my seat I am treating a woman no different than I would a man. However I'm also a firm believer in just being a nice person so giving up my seat to a woman is just something polite I can do for a weary traveller on her morning commute.

Many times I'm too tired to make any rational decision or too focused on my reading to let the outside world interfere. Still I find myself more often than not just sitting and riding it out. Does that make me ungentlemanly? What's the consensus view on this?

Another quandary: does anyone else get worried that when they get off the train they spend the whole day smelling like the train?

Stone Cold Gunner

I don't have many other places to post this but I need to talk Arsenal.

So obviously I'm upset today. We lost to an inferior team in a game that we controlled throughout. It's frustrating to be sure but some fans are basically bagging the season already. This is insane to be sure and I'm certainly not ready to do that. They are also saying that Wenger should be sacked. This is profoundly insane.

Sacking Wenger means starting over from scratch as I'm positive that at least half the roster would leave. Many players come play at Arsenal just to play under Wenger and losing him means losing the core of the team as well as the youth. Sacking him is not an option. Restructuring his position could be. Wenger is known for two things: being a great manager and unwilling to spend an extra penny on what his determined value for players are. (Ok third thing: the "I didn't really see it" post-game interview.) If we want to change his decision making power in terms of personnel decisions that might be worth considering. But at the same time he is a tremendous judge of talent in general so he definitely still needs to be involved.

With regards to the season I think it's ridiculous to start making judgments. Many of our significant signings have been playing with the team for two weeks. To make an assessment of their abilities as a team now is rushing. That being said I thought that was a major mistake at the time. The signings should have been locked up much sooner to give the team time to adjust and understand each other prior to the season.

The Fabregas saga drug on too long though and Wenger wouldn't spend until that was over. (Nasri drug out too but that wasn't as distracting, although it was frustrating.) I wish it would have gotten done in the early summer to avoid this very problem but here it is. Related to that I am super pissed now that Gas is tearing things up for Barca that their president realizes that Wenger had him valued correctly and he was worth more than they paid. Thanks for saying that, wanker.

Regardless the main issue is how is this team going to be better than last year? We lost the middle of the field in Fabregas and Nasri?

I said when we sold Fabregas that we have to sign someone spectacular to replace him. That hasn't happened. Fabregas is an elite level player and Nasri is a good player who's shown signs of brilliance. Looking at who has come in there is Arteta, Benayoun and Chu-Young. All good players but no one of the elite talent of Fabregas. I said at the time that replacing an elite player with two or three good ones will not make this team better. My hope was that they spun the money directly and bought Wesley Sneijder. I still wish they had.

You can't count the defensive signings because those needed to be made anyway. Mertesacker is decent but can't be the anchor of the line. If Vermaelen were back there it would be different but he's made of glass and instead we have Koscielny, who is terrible. I'd be so much happier with Cahill but of course that meant spending an extra $4 million or so. Wenger didn't think he was worth that much. The difference though is that Cahill is much better than Mertesacker and to get that you have to pay for it. It's the market not the player sometimes.

Hazard would have been a nice addition but that fell apart. Supposedly he'll come in January and that might be a nice midseason upgrade. Still I maintain that Arteta, while good, is a player in a downswing of his career. Benayoun and Chu-Young are fine but really how much better than Arshavin or Ramsey are they? I'd take Sneijder and either of those two over any combination we can throw out right now. I realize that would mean spending more money. Great players are worth more money.

And how great would Van Persie play with Sneijder behind him?

Sorry for ranting. I needed to say some of that.

Colorado Trip Day 5,6,7: Centennial State Elastic Coils (Colorado Springs)

Colorado Trip Day 5: Happy Anniversary, I love you

Colorado Trip Day 4: I Believe I Can (Butter)Fly

Colorado Trip Day 3: I almost killed a clumsy coyote

Colorado Trip Day 2: That John Denver is full of...no actually it's pretty Rocky here.

Colorado Trip Day 1: Midnight Plane to Colorado

It made me smile and I don't know if I can explain it.

We went out and met up with some friends for Dave's birthday this past Friday. He chose Wrigleyville to try to get more of his friends to come out. I didn't really want to go to Wrigleyville and my concerns were somewhat validated when I had to dodge vomit three times on my from the car to the bar and that's not counting having to park more than a half mile from the bar. Admittedly that's not the worst case scenario for Wrigleyville at all.

Anyway we still wanted to go see Dave and other people regardless of of the fact that the atmosphere was noisy, hot and annoying and the clientele was just noisy and annoying. Still I enjoyed myself and could ignore most of that. Then I used the bathroom.

Posted on all the walls of the bathroom were pictures cut out from various issues of Maxim, Playboy and god knows what other magazines are out there giving me rankings of the top five places to take a date to ensure I'll get some. The women were scantily clad or unclad and mostly bleach blonde clones. I just rolled my eyes and focused on my task. Then my eyes drifted up and caught something that held my attention. In the midst of all these pinups and bikini bombshells was something unexpected: Maya Rudolph.

I don't really know why she was there but there she was, ripped from a page of something with an article she wrote. She was pregnant and dressed in a casual top and a spring skirt. And she looked gorgeous. Probably not to the kind of people who hung those other pictures but she looked absolutely beautiful.

I'd like to think that there was one employee at the place with good taste. If so, then kudos to you sir for making it public. I don't know why but it made me proud.