Jazz, fish, and fun chicks with glasses.

I had a good weekend of partying to get done. I took care of that business like I took care of yo' mom last night. That chick is crazy.

We went out Friday night to Kingston Mines for Becky's birthday. It would have been more enjoyable if we could get things done and be places on time. This can be challenging for my friends, who are all college educated and own clocks. It doesn't bother me all that much but when it's almost 11:00 and we haven't left yet to go to a bar we don't really want to go to in the first place, it can be trying. I did have a good time seeing Becky and Christine and Sonal, all of whom it had been a good while since I saw them last. I believe last time I saw them they were all in costume, and for once it wasn't a dream.

Kingston Mines is a strange place. It is a reggae/jazz/blues club that isn't really conducive to dancing or hanging out to talk with friends. I'm not sure what it is trying to be, but it is trying to be there (/bows). I've made my feelings towards jazz abudantly clear (I just don't like jazz) and reggae was framed perfectly by Barney this past season on HIMYM. So for the record, I would have had a good time anywhere with the company I was with, I just wish it were somewhere else.

On Saturday I had a work lunch at the Shedd. My old boss invited Cass and I to his company's holiday meal at Soundings. It was fun because we got to sit on the balcony above the otters. Cass refused to be ironic and order tilapia. "I can't go look his cousin's in the eye after eating him."

We went to Steph's party that night and had a good time. We really only knew Steph there so we hung out with her for the most part. It was a fun time getting there in the dairy queen blizzard and parking required an expanding loop around her house before we parked in an illegal snow zone with 40 other cars. United we can resist them. Steph was her wonderful self even though she seemed a little down. I hope we cheered her up a bit.

Also, Cass got her tits stared at.

Steroids are for people too.

The Mitchell Report is out and for those of you who don't know what that is it means a lot of baseball players got named for using performance enhancing drugs based on an investigation by a former senator. A few quick things:

-I am most happy that the prelist released a few hours early was way wrong in including Pujols and Farnsworth. Pujols because he is one of my favorite players and Farnsworth because it is more awesome for him to be naturally prone to rage.

-Most surprising are the names not mentioned, specifically McGwire, Brady Anderson, and Bret Boone. I would say that there is no way you can keep McGwire out of the Hall of Fame now. He was never convicted or shown to have done anything and he played in an era when others were doing illegal substances.

-Of the players mentioned there are like 20 I have never heard of at all. This means that there are a significant number of people who do steroids to be mediocre at baseball. Take that as a lesson illustrating the difficulty of the game and the greatness of those who excel at it.

-There are still heroes out there but don't idolize people. Humans are fallible. You may not like a lot of your heroes personally and they may be assholes who use steroids. Be prepared for this eventuality and don't be blindly devoted.

The effects of Quicksilver.

It was a bit disingenuous on my part in retelling the events of last week therein my blog of Monday. In truth events of significance did transpire but their importance warranted an entry of their own that their fruits may be fully dispersed and enjoyed. Now that the sheet has been pulled from my slight deception I pray you forgive me lest I lose devoted readership.

On Thursday Cassandra and I were seen to have ventured out to witness the glorious Art Show of our friend Janice. It had certainly been a good spell since we had crossed paths, the end of this most recent of soccer seasons for us two in fact. Upon entering the tavern we set upon locating our party. This became an easy task as our compatriots elected to make camp just steps beyond the doorway. I chose to greet Janice first since I noticed no definitive faces I found recognizable, only half lit profiles and vaguely familiar body shapes and hairstyles. I made it a point then to take the laboured route to Janice in order to obtain best vantage of all parties seated with our artist.

I greeted Janice with an embrace and a smile, she with warm greetings and thanks. She proudly pointed us towards her latest efforts currently still decorating the tavern wall. Let it be said now that these works are wondrous.

The polite exchanges of pleasantries ensued with all parties that had not been visited on in some time. Among these, in order of greetings, were Vanessa, Anne, Jed, and David Lamb. Cass and I became bees among the flowers, speeding from one wonderful bloom to the next with only brief chances to pause and enjoy the nectar. Casual conversation and nostalgia were the course of the evening, and Carlsburg was imbibed to the very brink of inebriation. I truly do miss many of these teammates, barmates, and mates that I seem to rarely find opportunities to become merry amongst since I find myself so merry in their company. Hopes have been cast that a similar spell without their company will not be endured.

Unnecessary Movie Review: The Conversation

Two things that get Taylor all a titter:

1) forgetting to mention that you watched the movie The Conversation with him

2) the movie The Conversation

Cass, Taylor and I watched The Conversation on Friday night. It was a perfect relaxing night in with friends that I needed after several weekends of travelling.

The movie was aptly described by Taylor as a quiet thriller. The film is not fast paced or heart pounding in suspense. It is more about atmosphere and characterazation than dialogue itself, which is of course ironic. I enjoyed the film and Hackman's performance. The only actors I did not enjoy were the women he loved (Teri Garr and some floozy).

My only problem with the film is it is laborious so it is not exactly the movie to watch when you are tired. I also found that the ending could be misleading as I interpreted it differently than both Taylor and Cass. I have since come around to their way of thinking, only because the movie never establishes an unreliable narrator and therefore what we see must be taking place.

Overall the film is solid on all fronts, including soundtrack. I don't think I would watch it again but would recommend it as a thoughtful, quiet thriller.

The tip of the thumb.

Sorry it's been awhile again. I actually had to work this week due to weather, illness, and funerals reducing our lab to skeleton crew all week. It's like working in a ghost town if it was a town that used to test horse pee.

Cass chronicled most of my recent experiences. It seems everyone I know has a blog now so most of what I do is chronicled already before I get a chance to do so. This frees me up to write about nonsense, a skill I honed in graduate school. I do just want to touch on our Door County weekend.

Cass came with me to see the parents the weekend after Thanksgiving. It was a great time. We rode up with Luke and Katie and stayed two nights. It was a snowy, cold wonderland there. This meant spending a lot of time inside playing with Aggie instead of taking walks with her. That's ok but I would've liked to go hiking or something. No big deal.

My mom got to see me with a beard which must have been exciting for her. She said she thought I looked nice. I thought that was polite.

We enjoyed the quiet evenings in just watching movies and relaxing with my folks. I am hoping to make it up in the spring when everything is blooming to enjoy the scenery and make Cass's allergies go apeshit.

This past weekend was a quiet one. Cass and I bummed around mostly dealing with this thing and that thing. I have to thank her for calming me down when I seem ready to lose my shit.

I didn't realize I would get to see Oli, Ang, and Lily over Christmas as well as Megan and Marty. Cass said something the other day that reminded me. This will be great as I haven't seen them in too long.

Rehab sucks. I may do a post on HMOs in the future if I ever decide I am boring enough to do that.

Unnecessary innuendo: I'll put my devil in your details, honey.

Mating a mongoose and a turkey would produce a monkey.

Sorry I've been gone a while. This time it wasn't laziness, but an actual injury that prevented me from blogging. I never thought that I would have a tangible excuse for neglecting the blogosphere.

Time to get caught up on things. I'll try to go chronologically.



The hand
It is healing well now. I had surgery about a month ago now. There is a metal plate and screws in my hand now that supposedly will not set off metal detectors. The surgery was a harrowing experience that taught me one lesson: UIC Hospital is to be avoided. Write that down. I will quiz you later. I was awake for the surgery and got a block on the arm, that is to say the entire arm was completely numb. It felt very weird, like a form of paralysis. Try as hard as I could the arm wouldn't budge. When they were administering the block they gave me wonderful drugs that made me loopy and goofy. I apparently made the doctors laugh enough to have to stop and start again a few times. The surgery itself was supposed to take an hour and wound up taking more than three. What pisses me off the most is how little they were willing to tell me and that no one would admit mistakes after the fact. If someone would just tell me what happened (which I know already regardless since I was awake for the thing) it would make me feel better. The orthopaedist who has seen me for followups is a complete douche. Cass has been with me through all of this and her support has been greatPOP QUIZ Which hospital should be avoided?



Hallowinona
Actually prior to the surgery but not the injury I did go play at Hallowinona. Playing one handed was a new experience. I didn't play as well as I wanted to but I did better than I expected. As far as the amount of fun is concerned I would say this rivaled any Hallowinona, and therefore any frisbee tourney ever. The team was so much fun and played and drank the same way: competitively. Check out pictures here. The indian costumes turned out great and my Warrior makeup made at least me chuckle so I count is as a win.



The Return of Marty
Marty came to visit and it was great to see him. I am happy to say that he has not been Eurofied at all, not that I necessarily expected such an occurence. Marty is a force of nature: he is not changed by his surroundings, his surroundings are changed by him. We had a great time just hanging around and eating Sweet Maple. I really can't wait for Christmas for the MegaMart American Holiday Tour.



A few other random observations:

• Both Dave and I have been missing softball something wicked lately.
• The Burlington is different now but at least they still serve New Glurlington.
• Everyone I know is employed by my girlfriend.
• It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the best show on TV.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Keep tuned for a drunken post sometime soon.

In stitches.

I haven't blogged in a while because of the hand. Of all the things I do at work, typing is the most awkward.

Now who wants to go see No Country for Old Men with me?

It's broken.

My hand is more stiff than anything else. Interestingly the most common question I get is "Were you safe?", as if this would make the whole thing worth it.

I'm really only pissed because Hallowinona is this weekend. I am still playing for the record.

Marathon Man(ia)

Cass and I volunteered at the Chicago Marathon this past weekend. We worked a Sprint booth looking up runners for people to tell them their pace, when they past checkpoints, etc. We were in Chinatown (Cermak and Wentworth). Some highlights:

-We arrived and locked our bikes to a bike rack on what I thought was the North side of the street. Cass helpfully pointed out that it was the South side.
-Cass got breakfast Chinese hot pockets for 75 cents each. The little c with a line through it on the menu confused her as to how much they wanted for them, thinking maybe it was Chinese currency.
-Sprint helpfully supplied us with black cotton t-shirts for volunteering in 95 degree weather.
-Some spectator came up and asking "What are you guys here for?" My helpful reply: "It's for the marathon."
-We borrowed a chair from some helpful firemen with awesome mustaches.
-I convinced myself that I could outsprint the Kenyan running team for 100 yards on the condition that the race starts 21 miles into them running a marathon.
-We stopped at Panera on the way home for lunch (6.5 hours out in the heat). On the way home was the real highlight of the day but Cass has to tell the story.

This picture disgusts.

When asked how he could make such a blunder considering he is the franchise player for the Cavs, Lebron said: "Maybe the Knicks wouldn't be so bad. They just play terribly, call women b****** and not give a f***. That's funny to me."

Later in the day Mike Ditka was seen in a Favre jersey.

I think they took a team shower with whore juice.

I had a good weekend out of town playing ultimate with the UIC men. We came into the tourney seeded 16th and finished 8th so that's an accomplishment. Our record also fails to illustrate the progress made by many of our inexperienced players. Watching someone catch their first goal in competitive play is wonderful.

I do have one funny anecdote over the weekend I would like to mention. The tournament was hosted by UW-Whitewater. Whitewater, Wisconsin is a small community just across the border on I-90. The team hosted a party at a bar in town. After our game against UWW (1 seed, we took first half, they were upset) we asked them about the party and got our bracelets. They guy handing us bracelets says "Oh, and the Bud Light girls will probably be out." Some guys on the team made the obligatory catcalls.

Fastforward to the party that night at the bar. I am hanging out with Julius getting really drunk (free beer) when all of a sudden I am overcome by the smell of jasmine and skank. I wheel my head to see three clubber girls walking through the crowd towards the back of the bar. The smell really was overpowering and keep in mind this is in a bar in rural(ish?) Wisconsin. Julius and I make a few choice remarks as to the promiscuous nature that the smell implies and then settle in to drinking again.

Later in the evening I feel the aura approaching again and this time I wheel my head to see the same girls now with Bud Light visors on their heads handing out free buttons and bottle openers.

One of the great advantages of Chicago is that when the Bud Light girls are going to be out that means supermodels wearing reavealing spandex. In Whitewater, it means they find three marginally attractive clubrats and dunk them in White Diamonds.

Avoid Whitewater, WI.

Hey everybody, free samples of me.

Cass and I went down to the lakefront yesterday to see the Cool Globes. It was a good time even though we didn't get to see all of them as it was getting dark. Some have solar panels and light up but not enough to view all the other cool globes. Subtle commentary on the failings of solar energy or quiet reflection on missed opportunities?

And now, for no reason at all, my top five t-shirts that I ever made:

5) I (heart) SATAN
4) There is no reason to search me.
3) IGNORE THIS MAN
2) (Picture of Sisyphus)
1) I WAS NEVER COOL

Quiet reflection on how awesome I am or bold statement of how awesome I am?

Does whatever an Iron can.

This is how it's done f*****s.

The fan you don't want.

While watching the Bears game this past weekend I was reminded of all the times I have tuned into sporting events in the middle of a game to watch my team collapse. I can't tell you how many times I would turn on a Brewers game and see them winning 5-0, only to watch them give up six runs in the next two innings. Maybe I'm just imagining this but it seems like anytime I try to actually watch the teams I enjoy I curse them.

Granted, Rex struggled after the half, which is a normal time for things to change, but it still made me wonder. Also, it would be a stretch to call myself a Rex fan.

Am I alone in this experience? Anyone else feel the same way? I honestly remember more times where I tuned in to watch a collapse than I have for a stunning comeback. Maybe I should stop rooting for teams that suck.

"I called it the Caleb point."

I have my new computer now. UPS was kind enough to leave it in our aparment lobby. Just inside the door to the street that doesn't close most of the time. In related news, UPS deliverymen are incompetent baboons.

I played a lot of sports over the weekend. Wicked Awesome's fall highlight reel started on Sunday, featuring the return of Beef Ox. This will be chronicled by someone else with accompanying picture soon enough so I will allow you to satisfy your softball curiosity elsewhere.

On Saturday FUNK had our first tournament of the fall in Naperville. I stayed at the Hatzfield residence the night before to get a good rest. I was feeling reluctant going into this tournament. I was ready to play but not exactly excited. This was a young team and I am now in my later 20s. I can't quite grasp the flavor of this as it alternates from motivating me more and burning me down.

We were supposed to have 27 players there (according to DM). I knew to expect less, however when it was time to start the first game and we had 12 I was a bit bewildered. Apparently confusion is the fuel that drives the Caleb-Train because I played my hardest the first game turning it into my personal mission statement of dedication to the team. I subbed as little as possible while maintaining performance. My best point, and by this I mean of my life not of the weekend, came about half way through the game when both teams were winding down from the initial spurts of energy and suffering a morning lull. I had three layout d's and felt personally responsible for driving my team to the goal. We ended up losing the point on a swilly huck but I still felt accomplished.

The rest of the weekend went much better than expected. We won our pool and played good ultimate until the end of the day post-bye when we failed to get reignited. Cass came and stayed about halfway through the second game. Her parents came and watched the second and third game we played, including a glorious victory on the last point of the game. I really appreciated having an audience.

I don't know what the future holds for my ultimate career. I had however been timid in laying out ever since this spring for a reason so secret I have yet to discover where it came from but its departure signals a welcome rebirth for me and an ominous warning for my opponents. Talking trash on the internet is not new, but neither is me pwning the ultimate field.

P.S. Someone mentioned the lack of pictures on my blog. Since I do not take many pictures I have instead decided to google the title of every post and take my favorite picture from the third page to lead the post. Hope this satisfies the photophiles.

And the fruits of it.

I bought a computer. It should be here soon.

In the meantime, this caught my eye.

When reached for comment, Troy Aikman said: "Your flesh smells like misery. Enjoy the toasted purple and leave my kingdom."

Labor

I took a week off from posting. I don't have a computer at home anymore so my posting is done at work when possible. This past week I had a heavy workload so I never had a chance to post my thoughts on Miss Teen South Carolina or Appalachian State v. Michigan. Both are equally awesome.

It was a long weekend, but not because I had off on Monday. On Saturday Cass, Jay and I helped Nate move. It was hard work but Nate's experience getting a truck was much more laborious.

Sunday I had to go into work. A three to four hour day turned into six as one instrument refused to work properly.

This resulted in me being too tired to do anything on Sat. or Sun. night so I stayed in all weekend.

Monday we tried to go to the beach but couldn't find a parking spot. It was lame and I felt bad for Charlie as he was so excited and then so confused. Then later we went to visit Ed in the hospital. He has meningitis. I gave him a gorilla. My work is done.

Acting Schmacting

Here's a list of actors.

• Christopher Walken
• Will Ferrell
• Vince Vaughn
• Ben Stiller
• Will Arnett

They are all good actors and I have enjoyed a lot of their work.

You know what else they have in common? Casting them in a movie won't save it from being shitty. If a script isn't funny to begin with it these fine men won't be able to generate a miracle. They need something to work with.

Balls of Fury is going to be terrible.

Cardinals wear silly red hats.

Jay and Ross came up and stayed with me this weekend. We went to Cards-Cubs on Friday and saw a relatively boring pitching duel. Watching a game with great pitching when you have no view of the strike zone is not very enthralling. The Cards managed to sweep the Brewers and drop two to the Cubs. This is the worst possible scenario for a Brewers fan, for example me. They have been bad since I was one. I was happy for a while this year.

I was thinking of how Cubs fans may react to that statement. You can say something about 100 years, but the Brewers haven't posted a winning record since 1992. Don't make me throw our incompetence in your faces.

Had a good time this weekend with the boys. Hung out, got drunk, business as usual. I'm really excited to get out and play frisbee again. I don't mind having weeknights to myself now but I do miss being outdoors, even when the weather decides it's Autumn whether our calendar likes it or not.

Superbad is many different kinds of wonderful.

Unnecessary Movie Review: Breakfast at Tiffany's

A bit of background:

IMDB average user rating: 7.8/10

Rotten Tomatoes rating: 84% fresh

Nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay

I had heard this movie was wonderful and a classic. I had heard Audrey Hepburn was divine as Holly Golightly. I had heard that this was a must see amongst my Netflix list now over 100.

This movie is bad.

In all fairness, Audrey Hepburn does a fine job with what she had. She was beautiful and passionate. She could not have done more.

My problems are myriad. I didn't feel anything for the characters. Not an instant of feeling sorry, sad, happy, anything. Every character was unlikable but not even to the point of being interesting. The dialogue was so overdramatic and unbelievable that it took me completely out of the film.

Most of everything in the movie was cliche. Did this movie create a lot of cliches? Maybe, but they are cliches I hate, so this movie can eat fist.

This movie left such a bad taste in my mouth that I don't even feel compelled to make an A*Team joke.