Literal Christmas

Christmas has come and passed without apocalypse. Looks like Weird Al was wrong.

I enjoyed my time in Milwaukee this past weekend. I got to relax and leave everything behind for four days. That felt good. I haven't done that in a long time as most vacations involved a lot of activity or included work in between drunken spectacles.

I hung out with my friends that I hadn't seen in a long time on Friday night. I actually drove straight to Andre's instead of my brother's place. The highlights for me included Mike and J detailing what should have happened in Rocky Balboa. Needless to say their version of the film featured a zeppelin race between Rocky and Kaiser Adrian Balboa. Also high on the list would be David trying to convince my older brother Luke to become "The New Caleb."

After that the rest of the time was devoted to my brother's couch relaxing with MST3K and Futurama (and XBox) or family XMas activities. Good food and mostly pleasant conversation made for an enjoyable weekend. Highlight for me was sitting down with my Dad and creating a list of movies he thought I should add to the Netflix queue.

Now a list of swag:

• Animaniacs Season 1 DVD (Katie and I seem to have taken to hunting for gifts for one another that we both enjoy, as if beyond the bargains and checkout lines we will set upon common ground)
• Blue Fleece
• Grey Thermal Sweater
• Plaid PJ pants
• Monkey wall hooks
• Running Gloves (thanks Cass, very subtle)
• Earphones (see above)
• Kiss Kiss Bang Bang DVD
  

Prior to this weekend, after finishing Special Topics in Calamity Physics, I was figuring out books I wanted to read. I didn't own any that I wanted desperately to pick up so I was concerned. I borrowed Charlotte's Web from Cass and will finish that soon, however I was worried I would get mostly DVDs from my Amazon list (as it is mostly composed of DVDs). Animaniacs is the only DVD I received from my list. Now a look at books I received:

• Moneyball
• The Cobweb
• Quicksilver
• Beyond the Band of Brothers
• The Devil's Disciple

I will now set about learning to read.

"Punch him, you stupid goomba!"

Attending an opening night screening of Rocky Balboa with CT and JM. I don't want to say I was dragged into it but I am glad that I had whiskey packed. My review:

I think Stallone overestimates and underestimates his audience in this movie. He doesn't do anything to make his opponent in this movie likable, which I feel is a mistake. It's a Rocky movie so the fans would be cheering for Rocky anyway. I thought the movie should have been about passing the torch.

Then he overestimates his audience with the ending. I don't want to spoil it, but I guarantee more than half the audience walked out of the theater disappointed. I got the ending, I just felt that it didn't have the impact it should have.

Are there good moments? Yes. A lot of them are nostalgia related though, meaning you'll say to yourself "Haha I remember that from Rocky X" (X being a variable here, not a ten). The musical score is there although "Eye of the Tiger" is not which kind put me in a down mood.

There are points in the movie where it really seems like Sly gets it and knows exactly what he is doing. Then there are times where he seems lost and unable to come up with the right lines. His reasons for fighting are especially lacking.

Overall, this movie is enjoyable for a die hard Rocky fan and not much else. Also, be drunk when you see it.

Apologies to JM for not making it clear that I had whiskey with me. I in no way intended for you to be sober.

One more note: prior to the movie they showed a trailer for a new movie called "Blood and Chocolate." I couldn't come up with a better joke title if I tried. Watch the trailer and try not to laugh when the title comes up.

Anticipation is a sweet smell.

I know it's not even Christmas yet but I can't help but look forward to the new year already. This new year is going to be a huge change for me as it will be the first year wherein I am not in school. I have to find a job and start working like a normal adult. This doesn't frighten me as I have made myself marketable over the past seven and one half years.

I don't want to focus on the big things just yet. Right now I'm actually looking forward to a lot of little stuff on the periphery of importance. Here's some stuff I am looking forward to:

Movies I am looking forward to seeing:
300
This movie looks so awesome. I saw the trailer (that link is there so that you will go watch both trailers so do it now [said in slurred Arnold accent]) before The Departed and two seconds into it I knew what it was and I got completely pumped. Marty, thanks for buying this for me (two years ago I think). I just get the feeling that I am going to walk out of the theater looking to start a fight with some random jokers.

TMNT and Transformers have a long way to go to get me motivated beyond "Do you realize 80s cartoons?"

Books I am looking forward to reading:
Watership Down
I never got a chance to read this in school so I had overlooked it until recently when a friend told me it is one of only two books that ever made her cry.

Live From New York
The real stories behind SNL sounded kind of "meh" to me until someone read it and said that it is very candid and funny. Apparently Chevy Chase is some kind of jerk.


Television I am looking forward to watching:
24
Last season was kind of contrived and predicatble, but last season also saw Jack Bauer shooting the terrorist who murdered his friends in the face. That is how good this show is; even when I am bored by the plot someone is being murdered in the most awesome way possible.

Of course I am also looking forward to continuing to watch The Office, Scrubs, and (I say this with prayer to nondenominational God) Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

Music I am looking forward to hearing:
Into Eternity
Harmonizing metal guitars? Check.
Awesome wailing hair metal voice? Check.
Canadian? Check.

The Thermals and Be Your Own Pet are two albums I purchased recently but didn't get a chance to listen to closely. Cursory review suggests marks in positive.

I read a book! Everyone look at me!!!

I know I haven't posted in a while but I was really proud of my previous article and was hoping that more people would read it if I left it up for longer. I assume the waves of hysterical fans are dropping by tomorrow.

I just finished Special Topics in Calamity Physics. Some thoughts:

-A lot of good ideas throughout the book. I am referring to a lot of pocketed ideas with no significant relevance to the story.

-It is kind of interesting to read a novel about a person growing up in high school at about the same time I was in high school. Not that I had similar experiences or felt like I could relate to a lot of what was there, but there was definitely a familiarity to it.

-The writing style is entertaining although sometimes distracting. Her narrative used is similar to a text book with citations to literature that never existed. It can be fun but at times seems tacked on.

-The beginning of the book is enthralling and the buildup does a good job of holding the reader's interest.

-I was waiting for a big explosion at the end of the book and got a different one than expected. Maybe I telegraphed things too much but the ending seemed a bit of a letdown. I can't say it was a disappointing book but to be honest I felt labored reading the last fifth of the book whereas I breezed through the beginning, sometimes staying up until two or three in the morning because I was completely immersed.

Overall, I'd have to say that I enjoyed most of the book and thought the narrative was more entertaining than not, the ending made me completely indifferent to the novel as a whole. I get a lot of the ideas presented in the book and I understand (at least I think I do) what she was trying to get across with the ending, I'm just not sure I connected with it. The ideas of bravery and dedication in relation to parenting and friendship are fine and dandy but there was a few more central ideas that could have been addressed. Specifically, I wanted the pretentious nature of all of the central characters exposed, but in the end only a few characters got the full treatment.

-I forgot this when I first posted, but it's worth saying that I really did like the very end of the book, and by that I mean the last two paragraphs of the last story chapter.

Do I recommend the book? If you have nothing else to read I'll lend it to you. I hope you do enjoy it. But I can't say I recommend going out of the way to read it.

Overall Grade: You can go anywhere for book reviews with shortcut grades at the end. You come here for my inventive diction and comical self-loathing. This book gets 3 pissporkers out of five. Now I'm going to get in the shower and sob at my pasty body.

Five Great Onscreen Deaths That Stayed With Me

EDIT 12/13/2006: I realized that half of my Great Escape Commentary got cut off so that has been remedied. Reread it if you want a Merry Christmas otherwise you will have bad luck for seven years.

Movies were important to me growing up. Aside from family movie nights when we would all get together to watch something we rented from the local rental store, my father had a passion for watching old movies on TV. On Sundays after church and before the Packer game my father, my brother, and I would watch the best movies we could find on TV. A lot of these movies remain my favorites to this day. Some of the most significant moments that I can remember from these movies are death scenes. Watching a character die can be very significant for an adolescent. What follows is a collection of death scenes I saw as a child/youth/nubile/young adult/teenager/wait did I just call myself a nubile that still seem important to me today.

Hans Gruber in Die Hard

While I wasn’t strictly a kid when I saw this movie, I was young (I think 13) and to this day it remains the perfect action movie in my eyes and everyone else who is not f****** ignorant. The fight scenes in this movie are incredible, especially the fight with Karl. I wish I could throw a punch that looked anything like Bruce Willis’s punches in that scene. It’s the final showdown with the head terrorist that stands out to me though. John McClane is beaten, bloodied, and broken down. He has only two bullets left to take on the main villain (who is holding his wife at gunpoint) and two of his lackeys. When he finally wins it is the end of the longest night of anyone’s life. And all you can do is grin and say “f*** yeah” for him, because you finally got to see him overcome the odds and get a break. And you just watched him shoot a guy in the chest, another in the head, and then let the first guy fall off the 30^th floor of a skyscraper.

If you love Die Hard enough to comment on this I promise I will high five you next time we meet because Die Hard is awesome.

“Is there a movie I don’t die in? Dogma. Well, I end up in heaven in Dogma. Man, this is hard.”

Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars: A New Hope

I tried making this list without including this one, but it just seemed superficial. It’s unfair to discredit the emotional impact of the first time you watched the original trilogy just because of [note: see everything written about Episode 1-3 or George Lucas in the past five years]. They could easily be considered (and widely are) the most important movies for my generation. A large number of people my generation are degenerate burnouts and they would be unable to tell you how to diagram a sentence. But they could all tell you what substance Han Solo was frozen in. (Correct Answer: Who gives a s***.)

The first movie obviously struck a chord and started the mania. The special effects were incredible. The acting was mediocre. The plot was derivative of old samurai movies. The only thing that mattered to us was seeing the Empire stopped. Luke and gang raid the Death Star and save the Princess, but along the way, Luke loses his sage. He watches as Darth Vader strikes down Obi-Wan with his lightsaber. The only person he really had left after the death of his Aunt and Uncle. And we lost him too. We had to learn to keep going and never stop fighting, because the fight wasn’t over yet. But he was never really gone. He would be there to watch over our shoulder in our time of need, his words echoing in our ears, telling us to trust ourselves, and later he would be there to tell us the hot chick who kissed us was our sister. None of this mattered in that one instant however because we could do nothing but watch him be destroyed by the man who would embody everything evil. That one moment left us feeling helpless, ineffective, and alone. If you threw in impotent and drunk it would be just like prom night. *Wootingi.

“I was knighted. Ewan MacGregor starred in The Island. See the difference?”

Big X (and others) in The Great Escape

War movies can be difficult to watch because of the real emotions portrayed by the actors and actresses, especially if they are based on true stories. They give us a sense of perspective but also force us to confront some of the ugly realities of the world around us. The Great Escape is not the first World War II movie I saw, nor is it my favorite World War II movie. But I do distinctly remember the ending of the movie as the first time I truly understood what World War II movies are about. They are about not forgetting. And I find it tragically ironic that the kind of hipster jag that would roll his eyes while receiving this message is the same kind of person that would call his roommate a Nazi for not sharing his peanut butter.

The Great Escape is not necessarily an action movie, but I don’t know how else to categorize it. It is about prisoners of war doing all they can to try to escape from a prison designed to prevent escapes. They do this not because they have a desperate desire to be on the other side of the barbed wire. They do this because it is their duty to force the enemy to devote a disproportionate amount of resources to keeping them prisoner. They do this because it is their duty to be involved in the war effort against the greatest evil the world has known. At the end a large group of the escaped prisoners are captured by the S.S. and instead of being returned to the prison, they are gunned down in a field. The individual characters that are shot are not my favorite characters in the movie. This is because a) Steve McQueen is in the movie, and b) the individual characters are unimportant at this point. What makes this scene so memorable to me is that it was the first time I realized that not all endings are happy endings and most heroes don’t get to come home to a parade.

"We just have to get under the fence, through the woods, past the army of cloned dinosaurs, and then we’re free.”

Liberty Valance in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance

My father will never read this blog. It’s not that he hates it or is ashamed of his sons or anything we do, although my brother and I (mostly Luke) have certainly given him reason to be. Regardless, he will not see this list and will not know how much influence he has had over it. My father would not let this list exist without the inclusion of Liberty Valance. It is his favorite movie of all time and my father is cooler than your father. My dad met Lee Majors.

Here’s three reasons why the movie is great: John Wayne, Lee Marvin, and Jimmy Stewart. I have to admit that watching Jimmy Stewart shoot someone seems weird for a child who grew up in the It’s A Wonderful Life nonstop Christmas Season era. But this might be Jimmy Stewart as he is supposed to be: the everyman character with integrity that you can believe in. Lee Marvin is doing what he is supposed to as well: the scumbag character that you can hate. He is big, tough, and dirty. No one has had the courage to stand up to him. Jimmy Stewart finally does, and in the ensuing gunfight the impossible happens. This isn’t David vs. Goliath. It’s a bunny rabbit (not Harvey) vs. a wolf. Jimmy Stewart could barely hold a gun, never mind use one to outdraw Lee Marvin. But Liberty Valance goes down and the town is saved. It’s not actually that simple, but the whole point of the movie is that maybe it should be because everyone needs a hero. And sometimes the idea of Jimmy Stewart shooting Lee Marvin is more important than the fact that Lee Marvin is dead.

“You really think Mr. Smith could’ve killed me?”

Tommy J in My Girl

I am a woman. I have to be. How else can I explain the fact that I cried during this movie? This is the last movie I ever cried at. And then I watched football. You guys want to talk about power tools?

The movie wasn’t that complicated. Macaulay Culkin just played a normal, nerdy kid who was devoted to his friend and dreamed of romance. So when she looses her mood ring in the woods he goes to get it for her and ends up getting stung by bees. This kills him because he was allergic. On paper, that seems kind of like a stupid move and it could’ve easily been avoided, but when I was watching all I could feel was sadness. I think this was because I felt cheated when the kid died and missed out on everything just when things with the girl were progressing and this didn’t seem fair. Also possibly because I was ten years old and was stupid. It still felt like the kid next door dying for no reason, but life sometimes doesn’t give you reasons to understand things. This movie still stands out to me as being one of the saddest of all time. I had just cried at the Home Alone kid getting killed by bees and I wasn’t going to forget that soon.

“The last endearing thing I ever did.”

So these five deaths struck me as being important in some way. The death of a character can be a tricky thing for a filmmaker. It will often be the thing most remembered about the film. If done correctly, it will resonate and strike a chord with everyone who sees it. If done poorly, it can ruin everything else that the movie had accomplished. It’s just like the end of The Crying Game when the woman turns out to be a man. That actually had nothing to do with what I was saying but I just ruined the movie for anyone who hadn’t seen it yet so points for me.

"I'm naming him Captain Jerk."

Jay was on his way over to pick up some of his stuff. He had been at campus so he was walking down Polk and he found a dog outside shivering in the cold. He didn't see anyone to find the owner so he called here to make sure it was okay to bring him inside.

He's a yorkie, and he's old. The pictures were taken with my phone so you can't tell but his eyes are pretty clouded over. He didn't stop shaking for about 20 minutes of being inside. He was freezing. He didn't eat anything we offered or drink any water.

Jay and Cassie just left to take him to Animal Control. He had two tags, a City of Chicago and a rabies tag. They should be able to track where he belongs by one of those. If you know Cassie you better believe she is bringing him home if they tell her they'll take care of it and won't tell her where his home is.

I really hope we find the little guy's home and he's ok. I don't really want a dog but I don't want him put to sleep. He's pretty cute but needs a bath, so we have at least one thing in common.

Also, yorkie's look like miniature Silky Terriers, which is the kind of dog Charlie (my dog growing up that we had for about 15 years) was.

Update: Animal Control had him registered as a cat. Jay and Cassie took him back to the neighborhood where Jay found him and met a brother and sister walking another dog. They were looking for their other dog. Turns out his name is King.

Pickles, the drummer, doodleee doodleee doodlee doo

A couple additional notes:

-Mark Hamill contributes voices on Metalocolypse.
-My favorite characters in Ultimate Alliance are Deadpool (favoritest comic character ever), Blade, Human Torch and Thor.

I'm reading Runaways right now since there have been three new volumes since I last picked up the series and my brother lent them to me. It's a fun read despite the fact that it is meant for teenagers or even younger. There is something really innocent about the book but at the same time Vaughan just writes kids really well. Hard to imagine that it's written by the same guy who does Ex Machina and Y: The Last Man.

Might be the last I-Bar Thursday for a while tonight. Say a prayer for the death of an era.

I have an idea for an article I want to write. It may be posted here soon. I will post another article I wrote a while back for my other (now dead, you can pray for that too while your at it, Captain Praysalot) website on here sometime next week. In English, that's called foreshadowing. It's done to build suspense and sometimes to just serve as filler and stretch out the length of a tretise because the author ran out of ideas but wants to seem smarter so he will elaborate on subjects that really don't need any more explanation. He may also start using excessively elaborate diction like zaftig and fecundate, as in "All my female friends are totally zaftig and I would totally fecundate every last one of them."

Of cartoons and video games.

I spent the past week with my brother and sister-in-law. While at their house I played a lot of a video game and watched a lot of a cartoon. A quick review of both with a review of myself secretly included as subtext starts now. (p.s. For those that don't care, you can skip the reviews and read more about nothing since your time is so f*****g important.)

Marvel Ultimate Alliance
For those of you that were not aware, I was as a child and still am a comic book fan. I don't make weekly trips to the comic store and talk industry with like minded folks on a sweat stained couch, but I do read and respect the genre as literature. This video game allows you to play as a team of comic heroes from the Marvel Universe. It's a lot of fun and pretty close to the game that comic book fans have been anticipating for some time now.

Metalacolypse
The new cartoon from Brendon Small is awesome. It is about the world's greatest metal band. The show is especially amusing for people who know anything about the hardcore and metal scenes but I hope it's funny to those who are not as well. For the record, Brendon Small does the shows music as well and is incredibly talented.

If you caught Studio 60 on Monday you missed a bit I thought of in college captured by Aaron Sorkin. At some point in the show there was a semantic argument about the word "semantics." I came up with that idea sometime sophomore or junior year. Very surreal.

I watched football on Thanksgiving but not a single game on the weekend. Missed Notre Dame/USC. Missed the Bears. Missed Monday night too. I guess I'm not from the midwest anymore. Sometimes I really do think that we are perceived that way in NY and LA. "Darn tractor broke down halfway back from market; almost missed kickoff."

Had a good time back home in Milwaukee off of my brother's couch. We went out on a pub crawl on North Ave. Megan you will be happy to hear I wore my wedding shirt with a pink sport coat and black pants. I was turning heads and stopping traffic. You go me!

Happy Thanksgiving!!11

Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leaveyou all alone
I got a bad desire
I'm onfire
Tell me now baby is he good to you
Can he doto you the things that I do
I can take youhigher
I'm on fire
Sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby edgy and dull
and cut a six-inchvalleythrough the middle of my soul
At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet and a freight trainrunning through themiddle of my head
Only you can coolmy desire
I'm on fire

Happy Holiday's y'all.

Being in Wisconsin reminds me of the things I'm thankful for in Chicago (p.s. and marty, megan, and martha davis abroad).

You see, this is what great teams do...

I haven't posted in a while, because honestly I don't have too much going on. Is this what happens when you start working a normal job?

Didn't do much this weekend. I watched a lot of football (College and NFL) and was reminded of how much I hate sports announcing. That's not really fair though, I just hate a majority of national broadcasters. When they are bad (Tim McCarver) they ruin games, when they are great (Bob Uecker) they are a reason to listen.

Michigan is still the number two team in the country, Ohio State reigns supreme, and everyone else in the Big Ten still hates the shit out of Ohio State and Michigan.

Favre got injured today. It'll be interesting to see what happens come game time next week.

Went to a house party with Ed and Colyn. It was pretty fun and somewhat nostalgic. I realized how my sense of humor has changed when a majority of my comments are met with blank stares from undergrads.

Anyone who gets this next part please leave a comment so that I know to high five you next time we meet:

I get an AIM from some random looking to direct me to a sexchat site.

YYggrrllzzz5115:want to chat with hot sexy girls?
Ragingape:I put on my robe and wizard hat.

Calling all Mathletes.

I read this today and it annoyed me.

We constantly hear about U.S. public school test scores and how we are failing when ranked beside other nations. This is usually to stir up a frenzy for school reform and funding and adoption of new programs.

Within the article it states that this new need for reform comes on the heels of a study that lead to the previous need for reform and how we have to get away from the previous recommendations of the same group.

Let's start assiging blame for this "problem." I can find two sources (which in all honesty is actually the same source):

1) The group doing the report. Obviously you don't know what changes will be effective and what areas of focus are of greatest concern. How about you just let the teachers teach instead of forcing curriculum on them.

2) The system. Not the school system. This system of reporting our scores next to international students. An exerpt from the article:

"...the math skills of children in the United States simply do not measure up: American eighth-graders lag far behind those from Singapore, South Korea, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Japan and elsewhere on the Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study, an international test."

Wow I guess American students are not as intelligent as students from those countries. That can't be it, it must be our methods of teaching. No it's probably a self-esteem issue. Let's change numbers to things that make the kids feel good about themselves.

How about you try being honest in your reporting instead of peddling your snake venom.

Asian students are tested and screened before being allowed into public universities. Only the students who pass the tests go to school. The others are enrolled in public service or industrial programs or cast to the wayside (sweatshops, other horrors). Therefore you are comparing the test scores of all U.S. students (I realize not all children go to school but I'll even grant you that the children in school represent the top 75% of children in the U.S., which I'm sure you'll agree represents a low estimate) to the test scores of the upper margin (I'll even go with the top 50%, a number that is too big) of students from Asian countries. Therefore our average scores are bound to be significantly lower than those of the Asian communities.

Even European school systems do more job tracking and gear students toward desired career paths at an earlier age.

Am I saying change our school system? No, I'm saying educate our public so reports like these have the proper context.

Incidentally, I was not implying that Asian people are not smart. I have nothing but respect for your people and your culture. Please don't kung-fu me.

Borat: A Terrible Movie

Not really, but that title is way funny.

Not to just repeat what Colyn said, but it really wasn't great.

For the most part the segments that were the lamest relied on people's good nature and seemed to mock them for it. Their general attitude was to be polite and friendly and when he would be a jerk they would grin and bear it. You could tell they wanted to say something but they also didn't want to come across as bigots so they restrained.

He also relies on crass humor too much. I don't think I'm spoiling anything by revealing that there is a naked wrestling fight in the movie. Colin got it right when he said "should have been a few minutes at most" but it seemed to stretch for a solid fifteen. Whether this is true or not I am not sure.

There are funny moments. Showing frat boys and rednecks to be who they are around foreigners is amusing. However most of the glowing praise is coming from people who have never seen the show, making the whole gimmick novel to them. It isn't to me, and quite frankly the ten minute segments on the show seemed forced as well.

We went to the movie on Thursday. I worked at a job all week (huh?) for the first time since I was blah blah nostalgia. I get to go to a beautiful office downtown on occasion that amazes me everytime I step in. The accoutrements of our current employer's office are unreal for someone like me who spent his entire adult life in academia. And lower echelon academia for the most part.

Played poker last night. Lost $10 to O'Hollaran (sp?) like usual. I think he only comes back into town to talk us into these games and make us look foolish. He's having a good week.

I hope you actual read this exerpt.

I've decided to post an exerpt from my acknowledgements section of my thesis so that some people might actually read it. The concept of any of you reading my blog and my thesis is impossible to imagine so I thought you deserved to see the important parts.

Personal support was essential for me to be able to continue to perform the research. The following people deserve more accolades than I can possibly give for this: my brother Luke and sister Katie whom I love; Jay, Mike, David, and Andre, my closest friends back home who understood my priorities and remained supportive; Martin, Megan, Colin, Cassie, Jay, Nate, Brian, and any other friends here in Chicago who were there for me week after week; Jay, Tom, and everyone else who helped me when I needed a vacation; Justin Ford who would always provide respite from work and thoughtful conversation; and the entire UIC Funkosaurus Ultimate team for letting me have fun when I most needed it. It is not a stretch to say that without these people the weight of this work may have been too much for me to bear.

My memory is not perfect and my space is not infinite and there are many others who supported me. Any omissions are entirely accidental. I hope those I have neglected to mention understand and recognize my sincerity and gratitude in the following statement: I would also like to thank everyone, everywhere who ever believed in me.

Finally I would like to thank my parents, Keith and Vivian. Their constant support and love for my entire life is what enables me to continue living and learning. They may never read this work and if they do they may never understand a significant portion of it. I just hope they understand how much of this work is because of them.

"This one's for Dale"

I brought UIC Funkosaurus Ultimate to Winona for the Hallowinona Ultimate tourney for the second straight year. The weather was unbeatable for Minnesota in late October (mid 50's) and I had a great time.

We went with a whie trash theme. If you can't see, my shirt says "WINE 'EM DINE 'EM 69 E'EM."

I got wasted and remembered what it was like to be young againg. It was a good time. I also played pretty good Ultimate. In the last two months our hucking game (mine especially but others on the team have been sending discs without fear) has come alive and it really opened up the field for our team. At one point I threw five straight goals.

The Sat. night party was fun in that I got to see Simo's band put on a good set that was only dragged down by an excess of covers. The party was severly dragged down because it was the 18 and over party and that crowd in particular lacked any artistic savvy when it came to deciding costumes and just went for cleavage or cheap pop culture reference laughs. Ugh.

And my car made it back intact again.

More like Swalloween!

Megan attacked my decision of staying in last night and not dressing up for Halloween. She did so indirectly, actually via comment on Martha's blog (which will now be known as Memoirs of a Geisha because I think I'm being cute). Because I take even indirect asides at my character as personal attacks (and this is because I have low self-esteem, and it all flows from my low birth weight or something) I felt obligated to present my waning interest in Halloween.

Our generation is destroying Halloween. We are turning a children's holiday into a global dance party/drunkfest. Not withstanding the present state of women's costumes, my problem with this is simple. Children have so few days of the year that are truly for them as it is that us taking one away should be considered heartless. As it stands, children really only have Christmas that is just theirs. Adults (as in our generation) have New Year's, Mardi Gras, St. Patrick's Day, and every major sporting event (professional included but especially college) as days that we can call our days for fun. This is in addition to the fact that we don't need excuses to party.

Our generation has fresh memories of what it was like to be children and excited for Halloween. I can only imagine that children now will grow up with memories of Halloween being the night the entire hockey team drove into the river. Granted, I think the fact that children now must Trick or Treat during the daytime between designated hours is doing more to ruin the holiday than scores of boisterous twenty-somethings could, I still think we need to do our part to return this holiday to its rightful owner.

I don't look down on those who celebrate. I don't expect anyone to change their life because of something I said. I just want you to think.

Just so I credit the person who originally got me thinking this way, B from P-Boi is the first person I've heard make this argument.

To be honest, it really doesn't bother me as much as I let on. I just saw a lot of the things I don't like about this holiday this year and very little about what makes it actually fun.

Before anyone asks, I did dress up for my Halloween Ultimate tourney. I don't think this makes me a hypocrite as a) the tourney wasn't made for kids b) it took place on Saturday during the day and 3) shut up.

Chamomile Motha' F****'!!!

Click here for a listen and a laugh.

I am waiting to post about the weekend until someone sends me pics.

Nothing else to declare.

I spike the internet.

I just defended my thesis.

This weekend I'm playing in a Halloween tourney and it's going to take all my willpower to not spike the disc.

I pwn PCBs.

Chemistry majors are ugly nerds.

Friday night was spent relaxing at Ollie and Angela's. Colin already detailed this evening including pictures that are all digital and stuff so go check that out. He's more articulate than I am anyway.

Saturday I went down to Champaign for Jay's Oktoberfest BBQ. Jay's parties are always amusing but follow the same trends. Most everyone there are chemistry grad students and divide into defined cliques. I mingle amongst those I already know and get along with and meet a few of their friends. Then we retreat and spend most of our time conversing among those of us who are outsiders into this world of U of I chemistry.

I had a good time and got to see Ross and Tom so that's always a bonus, even though Tom turned in early because he wasn't feeling well. Jay and I went 3-0 in Cornhole and only lost because we decided to throw for style (Jay went between the legs all game, I did KA-J skyhooks). We still managed to score points doing this, Jay will be the first to let you know that he scored more than me.

Tom gets the joke of the night. I was telling a group what I had left to do for my thesis. I told them that I still had to get my appendices together. Tom says "I thought you got that taken out last year." I hate you Tom.

Most significant aspect of the night was obviously the Cards win. Second most is my apparent ability to flirt and get noticed. At some point during the game I got hungry so I went outside to see if food was still on the grill. Most everyone is inside so the only one outside I know is Jay's girlfriend Val(erie)(p.s. that joke is funnier than I will get credit for). Valerie is talking to a girl I didn't know. I had to wait a bit for food and I hadn't really said "Hi" to Valerie yet so I began talking to her and this girl she is with. The conversation continues and Valerie's food readies so she leaves. I keep talking to this girl because I am not a prick and was being polite. Honest. Regardless, my food finishes as it begins raining so I advise her to seek shelter and enjoy the night if I don't see her again. I get my food and head inside.

Upon entry, I get berated by everyone I know if I enjoyed my half hour of flirting with this bird. I ignore it mostly but it comes up several times again throughout the night. Do I really not talk to girls that often and it becomes a spectacle when I do? Do I flirt that much? Is it me just focusing on this because it's about me?

Fun epilogue to this tale of heroism, I never say another word to the girl for the rest of the night. She ends up getting all handsy with one of the guys who lives at the house and puking her guts out outside in the rain for a solid fifteen minutes. I journeyed with Jay, Ross, Phil (Chem major), and two embodiments of the opposite of my fantasies to Mary Anne's for a stack at 3 a.m. Stacks are disgusting.

Thees ees my thesis.

Per request from Martha, the following is a sample from my thesis. This is the first paragraph from my introduction so it's supposed to hook the reader and keep them from putting it down. I will post something real on Monday after a weekend break from writing and I actually submit the thing to committee. Enjoy.

Polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs) are a class of synthesized compounds composed of two bonded phenyl rings with chlorine atoms located at any of the ten possible bonding carbons of the phenyl rings. Figure 1 shows the general structure of a PCB compound. From one to ten chlorine atoms may be present, at varying locations, resulting in a possible 209 different congeners. The congeners may be categorized by degree of chlorination (or homolog group), such as monosubstituted, disubstituted, and so forth. The highest degree of chlorination, the decasubstituted PCB, is properly named 2,2’,3,3’4,4’,5,5’,6,6’-decachlorobiphenyl. The use of proper names can be burdensome and more commonly PCBs are referenced using a naming system originally developed by Ballschmiter (Ballschmiter and Zell 1980). This naming system assigns a number to each PCB congener starting with the lowest degree of chlorination at the first possible substitution (2-chlorobiphenyl, PCB #1) up to the fully substituted PCB (PCB #209). Various numbering systems have been used since Ballschmiter’s originally proposed scheme, but most follow this order of naming and will differ in naming only a few select congeners (Table 1). Ballschmiter’s updated proposed numbering system (IUPAC) is used in this report.










Edit: I added the Figure to help clarify (maybe). It's my first picture on my blog. That is kind of depressing.

Stupid Survey

Still busy as hell working on the thesis. Expect sporadic posts until Oct 23rd when I hand the damn thing in.

In the meantime, I decided to post something a lot of you have read but I really like. This is a questionnaire sent to me by my brother's ex-girlfriend for some magazine article job she was trying to get (I don't really know or care). I got frustrated two questions in because I thought the questions were inane, in addition to grammatical and spelling mistakes. So I had fun. Hope you do too. My answers are bold.

1) Have you ever considered marrying someone, or been engaged? (How many times?)

Only to the sea, but she broke it off

2) How important is marriage to you (on a scale of 1-10, 10 being very important and 1 being you never want to get married).

8.3145

Explain your rating:

Its the Gas Constant in the Ideal Gas Equation PV=nRT

3) How important is having a relationship with a significant other to you? (on a scale of 1-10)

5

Explain your rating:

It’s the number of times I have had sex this year plus five

4) Do you consider dating a) an elimination process to find a person you would like to have a longterm relationship with b) a fun way to socialize c) as involved with the other gender as you with to get.

d) Wish is misspelled

5) How do you define "marriage" ?

By looking it up in the dictionary and then reading what it says

6) What is the point of marriage?

42

7) Do you consider marriage a positive thing or negative, and why?

Positive because it repels me

8) Are pre-nups a)absolutely necessary or do they b) illustrate a lack of faith and fidelity?

The real question is why a lack of faith is necessarily indicative of a lack of fidelity

9) Are your parents married/divorced?

They are both widowed

10) What do you like better 1) being in a relationship or 2) being single.

1, because you shouldve put "1) being single" for aesthetics

11) Do you see yourself getting married someday? In 5 years /10 years/ 15 years/ or more?

Yes, as soon as legislation is passed allowing man to marry monkey

12) If yes, will you 1) elope 2) be married in a church/temple/mosque 3) be married by a justice of the peace 4) be married somewhere else, outside of a religious institution but by a man of the cloth.

4) At Universal Studios when Jaws pops out of the water

13) Ideally, do you think marriage should be a pre-requisite to having children? Why?

No, it should be a post-requisite

14) What do you think is the main reason people get married? a) to have children/start families b) desperation c)it makes financial sense d) start a new live with shared dreams and goals e) societal norm/obligation?

None of those seem mutually exclusive

15) What is a "deal-breaker" for you in terms of relationships: a) religion b) class c) racial/cultural differences d) education e) location f) political leanings g) Other

c) if fat is a race

16) Order by significance from 1-10 (one being most important, 10 being least) what qualities are most important to you in a potential partner

1 Honesty

1 Respect

1 Shared interests

1 Shared political views

10 Shared religious beliefs

1 Education

1 Sense of humor

10 Open mindedness

1 Value-oriented (high moral standards)

1 The unexplainable "gut-feeling" or "CLICK" factor/chemistry

17) What do you bring to your relationships with people in terms of traits/characteristics:

Lack of a conscience

18) When is the last time you were in a relationship you considered "serious."

The restraining order was filed last July

19) Is the seriousness of a relationship determined by a) the amount of time invested or b) the intensity of emotion invested

a) because b precludes sex with robots

20) Do you think there is a correalation between the "problems" in society and broken homes? (violence, drugs, low test scores) Yes, no or maybe

Yes, faulty foundations are the source of all social problems

21) Age: 25

What's new is what's new

I realize I didn't really update at all this week. The reason for this is that I am defending my thesis shortly (2-3 weeks) so that kind of takes priority. After this, I should have more time and be a lot less stressed.

A little update on the past weekend. The week passed without incident and I made it through alive so chalk one up for me.

Friday night I stayed in and watched Brick. That isn't entirely accurate as Cassie, Jay, and Colin forced me to walk three miles beforehand. I don't mind walking, but I had just sat down and opened a beer. Brick, for the record, is the best movie I have seen this year. Go see it and see if you can avoid the urge to drop into lingo. The peanuts were good but I still had to push.

Saturday was eventful. I had intended to stay in and work on my thesis but I got only a little work done and lost focus. I'm not sure why but I couldn't get on track and then it was time for the Cubs game. I hadn't been to a ballgame this year and Jay acquired free tickets on the up-and-up. Myself, Jay, Colin, and Nathan sat in Wrigley Field for just shy of five hours. A rain delay and fourteen innings of baseball takes time. The Cubs rallied from a 8-0 deficit to force the extra play but couldn't find a winning stroke in the additional lanes on the scoreboard. Still enjoyable overall.

While not our initial plan we left the stadium at perfect time to head straight to Leslie McScrapheap's housewarming party. A short pitstop to purchase spirits at the CVS nearest the stadium and we were on our way to the loving new home of said hostess and Ruthstess. A few things about the party:

-Cassie is a lightweight and kind of a cutesy drunk.
-KO and Ruthless are cementing their place as what is hot.
-Leslie and Ruth are wonderful hosts.
-Colin, as seems to be the norm, narrowly avoided fisticuffs with some ruffian. I suspect only the surroundings prevented a physical exchange.
-Chuck showed up with novelties in tow. If I ever attend a party with him again and he fails to do this I will be sorely disappointed.
-Lastly, and most important because it is about me, either everytime I speak to a girl I am flirting or my friends are just assuming I am. I was accused of devoting social time to the pursuits of Allison. I am not offended by this accusation per se, but I don't consider myself to be overly flirtatious except when intended. A brief version of this last point entirely is me shrugging and being all like "whatevah."

Sunday was spent watching football while lying on the couch. I wasn't hungover but I wasn't ready to go watch a parade or anything either. I did help Jay with schoolwork by participating in an interview partially concerning my blogging experience. The wonders of new things. Also had practice today again. My posts barely support. I'm swimming but the water's troubled.

Losing by losing. (Long post, feeling introspective, sorry)

This weekend went off better/worse than expected. That last statement was intended to require explanation and set up this post. Cue expository paragraph.

So going into this weekend my fears were that the frisbee team would implode and I would have to wade through all the conflict and laziness to salvage a decent frisbee weekend for myself. This was actually the least of my worries. Some problems existed but they hid themselves below the surface and I never felt like I was babysitting. This is a minor triumph for me at this point. This shall hereto be referred to as better.

This did not translate to production on the field. We went 0-6 on the weekend. I know we were the 8th seed of 8 teams and that we therefore played to seed, but that doesn't change the fact that we lost games that I know we not only could have won, but should have won. In two games we were up by a score of 12-8 only to end up losing 13-15 and then 12-15. Losing, I dub thee worse.

I can't help but feel responsible for this. I took the weight of this team on my shoulders when I decided to be the captain this fall. I feel that a better captain could've rallied his troops in the face of a surging enemy and fought back the charge when it came. Instead, we fell and I feel that my legacy and stature are much like that of Napolean. I didn't play as well as I could've, but that's actually not my point. I didn't make anyone else play better because of this, and that is how I have failed.

I couldn't help but reflect a bit on how this all made me feel while laying around being sore/doing nothing when I got back yesterday afternoon. I started thinking about my entire competitive career and I came to this realization: in every aspect of competition in which I have challenged others I have a losing record with only one exception. Limiting my discussion to athletic competition and starting chronologically:

Little League Baseball - a significantly low win percentage. This is highlighted by the fact that in my first year and last year of competitive play my team failed to record a single win.

High School Football - three wins over the course of two years of play (3-13). Even if I had continued to play all through high school my record would be approximately the same as the team did not improve dramatically, or at all actually, when I left. At least I can say it wasn't my fault.

Church Softball - a losing record despite the fact that this is probably the best I have ever played. I was deep in the order and played right center. There was little to no pressure on me and I thrived on it, hitting line shot singles up the gut or grounders directly down the lines for singles galore. We still managed a losing record for three consecutive years and then folded when a crisis in the church came about (don't ask).

City-League Softball - Wicked Awesome's chronicals are detailed more clearly in Taylor Street, but in summary, we won two games and I was absent for one.

Ultimate - this needs subsections

College Ultimate - the team I played on had been very good making nationals my freshman year. I did not play until my junior year and then I was injured. So I really only have two significant years of undergrad playing. These two years, we were definitely above .500 (officially I can really only remember my final year record of 17-10). Grad school record might be slightly above .500 were it not for this fall season.

City-League Ultimate - I can just logon to the Ultimate Chicago site and see that I am 30-32 in my career.

The one exception?

Youth League Soccer - third through fifth grade my team (The Sounders) were pretty good, finishing first for one year and second the other two. I then gave up soccer.

Does any of this matter? Is the value of a player defined by his team's record? I don't really think so but at the same time it's been sixteen years since I've been on a team that won a championship.

An additional note: I went to the last Don't Forget The Nuggets show ever on Saturday night and had a blast. These guys have a stage show is unbeatable and the music is catchy. Go to their myspace site and listen for yourselves.

Suicide as a lifestyle

I have been destroying my body lately.

I had frisbee practice on Wednesday and I went and played soccer with Oliver and Co. (teehee) All told it was about four hours of solid running. On top of that, I have been lazy in going shopping so I have been eating whatever food I have left, which isn't always the healthiest option.

I've also been severly stressed as of late. My thesis is always stressful but with the deadline approaching of course all readouts are nearing caution. It has also fallen upon my elegant shoulders to take charge of the frisbee team for fall, this of course bearing with it the resposibility to deal with personality conflicts, laziness, and apathy from undergrads. It will get better. Sectionals is this weekend and after that should be much more laid back.

Some goodness is happening. I-Bar continues to be a source of stability. Colin is suprisingly more entertaining with a girlfriend who isn't around, but with spies everywhere. Martin and Megan are actually okay and in London, not in fact locked in a Gulag somewhere. Megan gave me a shoutout in their blog surely doubling my readership to four. I got to see Lily eat bark this past week as well which is always a treasure.

I'm gonna go buy milk, eat a light dinner, and then pass out, not necessarily in that order. But probably in that order.

Horse Sense

I had an interview today to become an analyst at the Horse Racing Lab. I won't say how I thought it went because my perspective on these things is somewhat skewed.

I did want to take the time and just lay out my philosophy regarding interviews. I try to be as open as I can while maintaining some sense of professionalism. This refers to everything I do. Dress, talk, dance, etc. My thought is that I am a commodity and they should want to hire me. I shouldn't have to pretend to be someone else in order to get the job. Me will show up if they do hire me anyway, so why fake it in the interview?

That isn't to say that I am judgemental of those who play themselves up in interviews, or even resumes. It makes sense that you want to work and that you want to present the best characteristics, even if they aren't your own. It's just not for me.

Also ran a mile this morning. I need two things: a stopwatch and a bathroom scale. To steal a joke from Louis CK, I want to go buy these in a weird combination to freak out the people at Target. "Hi, I need a stopwatch, a bathroom scale, a bicycle pump, and some shampoo."

What's the opposite of "emptier?" It's "filler." Not really, but that's kind of what this post will be.

Frisbee practice got lighteninged out today, leaving me with a little bit more free time and extra calories to burn. And also very few interesting stories.

A few random thoughts:
-I need to find a way to work "hoi polloi" into a post because it is fun to say.
-The Packers are not a very good football team.
-How I Met Your Mother is a fun show, but isn't really multi-layered.
-I need new cleats. I need to figure out how much I can spend on cleats.

I finished Marvel 1602 by Neil Gaiman. I enjoyed it but I can't help but wonder why so much of what is written now is reimagining existing characters. Would this story be as compelling if the characters were original? Maybe not. Why is there a lack of strong new characters in the major comic universes? Is there really or am I just not paying attention? These are questions that don't need answers but I suspect that my brother is the one who will answer them for me.

Family Movies

Don't know why this is on my mind, but it is, so nyah. Here are the top five movies of my family. This isn't a list of our individual favorites. It's a list of five movies that we watched together that we all enjoyed and anytime one is on, we'll call eveyone into the room or think about everyone who isn't with us at the time.

1) Stalag 17
Wonderful performances, highlighted by William Holden's Oscar winning performance. While I saw The Great Escape first, this movie really explained to me why POW's do the things they do.

2) Harvey
For anyone out there who doesn't understand why Jimmy Stewart is so beloved by my parent's generation, this movie explains it better than any words I type could. I'll end my argument with my favorite quote from this, or possibly any movie:
"Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant."

3) The Gods Must Be Crazy
Why is this movie funny? I have no idea. I don't know how to explain the humor of this movie. It's hard to convey, but it crosses demographics since all members of my family laugh when this movie is on. Anytime I see an empty bottle on the street I think of hurling it off the end of the world.

4) The Magnificent Seven
Maybe my mother hates this movie. She might purposely be in the kitchen whenever it's on. Too bad the rest of us love it enough to make up for her even if she does hate it. Steve McQueen's nonsequitors throughout the movie are a special treat for us.

5) Fantasia
I have no idea why I distinctly remember being excited to go see this movie with my brother and my father. I don't know why my mother remembers so many parts of this movie. I don't really know. It snuck on this list, and seems appropriate.

Here Goes Something?

I decided to do this because Luke is a lazy shit and never updates the website. Plus, I have a lot of ideas that randomly pop up that seem like decent things to write about but not good enough for articles. Plus, everyone else has a blog or three and you don't question their motivations. Stop judging me.