Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Literal Christmas

Christmas has come and passed without apocalypse. Looks like Weird Al was wrong.

I enjoyed my time in Milwaukee this past weekend. I got to relax and leave everything behind for four days. That felt good. I haven't done that in a long time as most vacations involved a lot of activity or included work in between drunken spectacles.

I hung out with my friends that I hadn't seen in a long time on Friday night. I actually drove straight to Andre's instead of my brother's place. The highlights for me included Mike and J detailing what should have happened in Rocky Balboa. Needless to say their version of the film featured a zeppelin race between Rocky and Kaiser Adrian Balboa. Also high on the list would be David trying to convince my older brother Luke to become "The New Caleb."

After that the rest of the time was devoted to my brother's couch relaxing with MST3K and Futurama (and XBox) or family XMas activities. Good food and mostly pleasant conversation made for an enjoyable weekend. Highlight for me was sitting down with my Dad and creating a list of movies he thought I should add to the Netflix queue.

Now a list of swag:
  • Animaniacs Season 1 DVD (Katie and I seem to have taken to hunting for gifts for one another that we both enjoy, as if beyond the bargains and checkout lines we will set upon common ground)
  • Blue Fleece
  • Grey Thermal Sweater
  • Plaid PJ pants
  • Monkey wall hooks
  • Running Gloves (thanks Cass, very subtle)
  • Earphones (see above)
  • Kiss Kiss Bang Bang DVD
Prior to this weekend, after finishing Special Topics in Calamity Physics, I was figuring out books I wanted to read. I didn't own any that I wanted desperately to pick up so I was concerned. I borrowed Charlotte's Web from Cass and will finish that soon, however I was worried I would get mostly DVDs from my Amazon list (as it is mostly composed of DVDs). Animaniacs is the only DVD I received from my list. Now a look at books I received:
  • Moneyball
  • The Cobweb
  • Quicksilver
  • Beyond the Band of Brothers
  • The Devil's Disciple
I will now set about learning to read.

Friday, December 22, 2006

"Punch him, you stupid goomba!"

Attending an opening night screening of Rocky Balboa with CT and JM. I don't want to say I was dragged into it but I am glad that I had whiskey packed. My review:

I think Stallone overestimates and underestimates his audience in this movie. He doesn't do anything to make his opponent in this movie likable, which I feel is a mistake. It's a Rocky movie so the fans would be cheering for Rocky anyway. I thought the movie should have been about passing the torch.

Then he overestimates his audience with the ending. I don't want to spoil it, but I guarantee more than half the audience walked out of the theater disappointed. I got the ending, I just felt that it didn't have the impact it should have.

Are there good moments? Yes. A lot of them are nostalgia related though, meaning you'll say to yourself "Haha I remember that from Rocky X" (X being a variable here, not a ten). The musical score is there although "Eye of the Tiger" is not which kind put me in a down mood.

There are points in the movie where it really seems like Sly gets it and knows exactly what he is doing. Then there are times where he seems lost and unable to come up with the right lines. His reasons for fighting are especially lacking.

Overall, this movie is enjoyable for a die hard Rocky fan and not much else. Also, be drunk when you see it.

Apologies to JM for not making it clear that I had whiskey with me. I in no way intended for you to be sober.

One more note: prior to the movie they showed a trailer for a new movie called "Blood and Chocolate." I couldn't come up with a better joke title if I tried. Watch the trailer and try not to laugh when the title comes up.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Anticipation is a sweet smell.

I know it's not even Christmas yet but I can't help but look forward to the new year already. This new year is going to be a huge change for me as it will be the first year wherein I am not in school. I have to find a job and start working like a normal adult. This doesn't frighten me as I have made myself marketable over the past seven and one half years.

I don't want to focus on the big things just yet. Right now I'm actually looking forward to a lot of little stuff on the periphery of importance. Here's some stuff I am looking forward to:

Movies I am looking forward to seeing:
300
This movie looks so awesome. I saw the trailer (that link is there so that you will go watch both trailers so do it now [said in slurred Arnold accent]) before The Departed and two seconds into it I knew what it was and I got completely pumped. Marty, thanks for buying this for me (two years ago I think). I just get the feeling that I am going to walk out of the theater looking to start a fight with some random jokers.

TMNT and Transformers have a long way to go to get me motivated beyond "Do you realize 80s cartoons?"

Books I am looking forward to reading:
Watership Down
I never got a chance to read this in school so I had overlooked it until recently when a friend told me it is one of only two books that ever made her cry.

Live From New York
The real stories behind SNL sounded kind of "meh" to me until someone read it and said that it is very candid and funny. Apparently Chevy Chase is some kind of jerk.


Television I am looking forward to watching:
24
Last season was kind of contrived and predicatble, but last season also saw Jack Bauer shooting the terrorist who murdered his friends in the face. That is how good this show is; even when I am bored by the plot someone is being murdered in the most awesome way possible.

Of course I am also looking forward to continuing to watch The Office, Scrubs, and (I say this with prayer to nondenominational God) Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

Music I am looking forward to hearing:
Into Eternity
Harmonizing metal guitars? Check.
Awesome wailing hair metal voice? Check.
Canadian? Check.

The Thermals and Be Your Own Pet are two albums I purchased recently but didn't get a chance to listen to closely. Cursory review suggests marks in positive.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

I read a book! Everyone look at me!!!

I know I haven't posted in a while but I was really proud of my previous article and was hoping that more people would read it if I left it up for longer. I assume the waves of hysterical fans are dropping by tomorrow.

I just finished Special Topics in Calamity Physics. Some thoughts:

-A lot of good ideas throughout the book. I am referring to a lot of pocketed ideas with no significant relevance to the story.

-It is kind of interesting to read a novel about a person growing up in high school at about the same time I was in high school. Not that I had similar experiences or felt like I could relate to a lot of what was there, but there was definitely a familiarity to it.

-The writing style is entertaining although sometimes distracting. Her narrative used is similar to a text book with citations to literature that never existed. It can be fun but at times seems tacked on.

-The beginning of the book is enthralling and the buildup does a good job of holding the reader's interest.

-I was waiting for a big explosion at the end of the book and got a different one than expected. Maybe I telegraphed things too much but the ending seemed a bit of a letdown. I can't say it was a disappointing book but to be honest I felt labored reading the last fifth of the book whereas I breezed through the beginning, sometimes staying up until two or three in the morning because I was completely immersed.

Overall, I'd have to say that I enjoyed most of the book and thought the narrative was more entertaining than not, the ending made me completely indifferent to the novel as a whole. I get a lot of the ideas presented in the book and I understand (at least I think I do) what she was trying to get across with the ending, I'm just not sure I connected with it. The ideas of bravery and dedication in relation to parenting and friendship are fine and dandy but there was a few more central ideas that could have been addressed. Specifically, I wanted the pretentious nature of all of the central characters exposed, but in the end only a few characters got the full treatment.

-I forgot this when I first posted, but it's worth saying that I really did like the very end of the book, and by that I mean the last two paragraphs of the last story chapter.

Do I recommend the book? If you have nothing else to read I'll lend it to you. I hope you do enjoy it. But I can't say I recommend going out of the way to read it.

Overall Grade: You can go anywhere for book reviews with shortcut grades at the end. You come here for my inventive diction and comical self-loathing. This book gets 3 pissporkers out of five. Now I'm going to get in the shower and sob at my pasty body.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Five Great Onscreen Deaths That Stayed With Me

EDIT 12/13/2006: I realized that half of my Great Escape Commentary got cut off so that has been remedied. Reread it if you want a Merry Christmas otherwise you will have bad luck for seven years.

Movies were important to me growing up. Aside from family movie nights when we would all get together to watch something we rented from the local rental store, my father had a passion for watching old movies on TV. On Sundays after church and before the Packer game my father, my brother, and I would watch the best movies we could find on TV. A lot of these movies remain my favorites to this day. Some of the most significant moments that I can remember from these movies are death scenes. Watching a character die can be very significant for an adolescent. What follows is a collection of death scenes I saw as a child/youth/nubile/young adult/teenager/wait did I just call myself a nubile that still seem important to me today.

Hans Gruber in Die Hard

While I wasn’t strictly a kid when I saw this movie, I was young (I think 13) and to this day it remains the perfect action movie in my eyes and everyone else who is not f****** ignorant. The fight scenes in this movie are incredible, especially the fight with Karl. I wish I could throw a punch that looked anything like Bruce Willis’s punches in that scene. It’s the final showdown with the head terrorist that stands out to me though. John McClane is beaten, bloodied, and broken down. He has only two bullets left to take on the main villain (who is holding his wife at gunpoint) and two of his lackeys. When he finally wins it is the end of the longest night of anyone’s life. And all you can do is grin and say “f*** yeah” for him, because you finally got to see him overcome the odds and get a break. And you just watched him shoot a guy in the chest, another in the head, and then let the first guy fall off the 30th floor of a skyscraper.

If you love Die Hard enough to comment on this I promise I will high five you next time we meet because Die Hard is awesome.

“Is there a movie I don’t die in? Dogma. Well, I end up in heaven in Dogma. Man, this is hard.”


Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars: A New Hope

I tried making this list without including this one, but it just seemed superficial. It’s unfair to discredit the emotional impact of the first time you watched the original trilogy just because of [note: see everything written about Episode 1-3 or George Lucas in the past five years]. They could easily be considered (and widely are) the most important movies for my generation. A large number of people my generation are degenerate burnouts and they would be unable to tell you how to diagram a sentence. But they could all tell you what substance Han Solo was frozen in. (Correct Answer: Who gives a s***.)

The first movie obviously struck a chord and started the mania. The special effects were incredible. The acting was mediocre. The plot was derivative of old samurai movies. The only thing that mattered to us was seeing the Empire stopped. Luke and gang raid the Death Star and save the Princess, but along the way, Luke loses his sage. He watches as Darth Vader strikes down Obi-Wan with his lightsaber. The only person he really had left after the death of his Aunt and Uncle. And we lost him too. We had to learn to keep going and never stop fighting, because the fight wasn’t over yet. But he was never really gone. He would be there to watch over our shoulder in our time of need, his words echoing in our ears, telling us to trust ourselves, and later he would be there to tell us the hot chick who kissed us was our sister. None of this mattered in that one instant however because we could do nothing but watch him be destroyed by the man who would embody everything evil. That one moment left us feeling helpless, ineffective, and alone. If you threw in impotent and drunk it would be just like prom night. *Wootingi.

“I was knighted. Ewan MacGregor starred in The Island. See the difference?”

Big X (and others) in The Great Escape

War movies can be difficult to watch because of the real emotions portrayed by the actors and actresses, especially if they are based on true stories. They give us a sense of perspective but also force us to confront some of the ugly realities of the world around us. The Great Escape is not the first World War II movie I saw, nor is it my favorite World War II movie. But I do distinctly remember the ending of the movie as the first time I truly understood what World War II movies are about. They are about not forgetting. And I find it tragically ironic that the kind of hipster jag that would roll his eyes while receiving this message is the same kind of person that would call his roommate a Nazi for not sharing his peanut butter.

The Great Escape is not necessarily an action movie, but I don’t know how else to categorize it. It is about prisoners of war doing all they can to try to escape from a prison designed to prevent escapes. They do this not because they have a desperate desire to be on the other side of the barbed wire. They do this because it is their duty to force the enemy to devote a disproportionate amount of resources to keeping them prisoner. They do this because it is their duty to be involved in the war effort against the greatest evil the world has known. At the end a large group of the escaped prisoners are captured by the S.S. and instead of being returned to the prison, they are gunned down in a field. The individual characters that are shot are not my favorite characters in the movie. This is because a) Steve McQueen is in the movie, and b) the individual characters are unimportant at this point. What makes this scene so memorable to me is that it was the first time I realized that not all endings are happy endings and most heroes don’t get to come home to a parade.

"We just have to get under the fence, through the woods, past the army of cloned dinosaurs, and then we’re free.”

Liberty Valance in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance

My father will never read this blog. It’s not that he hates it or is ashamed of his sons or anything we do, although my brother and I (mostly Luke) have certainly given him reason to be. Regardless, he will not see this list and will not know how much influence he has had over it. My father would not let this list exist without the inclusion of Liberty Valance. It is his favorite movie of all time and my father is cooler than your father. My dad met Lee Majors.

Here’s three reasons why the movie is great: John Wayne, Lee Marvin, and Jimmy Stewart. I have to admit that watching Jimmy Stewart shoot someone seems weird for a child who grew up in the It’s A Wonderful Life nonstop Christmas Season era. But this might be Jimmy Stewart as he is supposed to be: the everyman character with integrity that you can believe in. Lee Marvin is doing what he is supposed to as well: the scumbag character that you can hate. He is big, tough, and dirty. No one has had the courage to stand up to him. Jimmy Stewart finally does, and in the ensuing gunfight the impossible happens. This isn’t David vs. Goliath. It’s a bunny rabbit (not Harvey) vs. a wolf. Jimmy Stewart could barely hold a gun, never mind use one to outdraw Lee Marvin. But Liberty Valance goes down and the town is saved. It’s not actually that simple, but the whole point of the movie is that maybe it should be because everyone needs a hero. And sometimes the idea of Jimmy Stewart shooting Lee Marvin is more important than the fact that Lee Marvin is dead.

“You really think Mr. Smith could’ve killed me?”

Tommy J in My Girl

I am a woman. I have to be. How else can I explain the fact that I cried during this movie? This is the last movie I ever cried at. And then I watched football. You guys want to talk about power tools?

The movie wasn’t that complicated. Macaulay Culkin just played a normal, nerdy kid who was devoted to his friend and dreamed of romance. So when she looses her mood ring in the woods he goes to get it for her and ends up getting stung by bees. This kills him because he was allergic. On paper, that seems kind of like a stupid move and it could’ve easily been avoided, but when I was watching all I could feel was sadness. I think this was because I felt cheated when the kid died and missed out on everything just when things with the girl were progressing and this didn’t seem fair. Also possibly because I was ten years old and was stupid. It still felt like the kid next door dying for no reason, but life sometimes doesn’t give you reasons to understand things. This movie still stands out to me as being one of the saddest of all time. I had just cried at the Home Alone kid getting killed by bees and I wasn’t going to forget that soon.

“The last endearing thing I ever did.”

So these five deaths struck me as being important in some way. The death of a character can be a tricky thing for a filmmaker. It will often be the thing most remembered about the film. If done correctly, it will resonate and strike a chord with everyone who sees it. If done poorly, it can ruin everything else that the movie had accomplished. It’s just like the end of The Crying Game when the woman turns out to be a man. That actually had nothing to do with what I was saying but I just ruined the movie for anyone who hadn’t seen it yet so points for me.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

"I'm naming him Captain Jerk."

Jay was on his way over to pick up some of his stuff. He had been at campus so he was walking down Polk and he found a dog outside shivering in the cold. He didn't see anyone to find the owner so he called here to make sure it was okay to bring him inside.

He's a yorkie, and he's old. The pictures were taken with my phone so you can't tell but his eyes are pretty clouded over. He didn't stop shaking for about 20 minutes of being inside. He was freezing. He didn't eat anything we offered or drink any water.

Jay and Cassie just left to take him to Animal Control. He had two tags, a City of Chicago and a rabies tag. They should be able to track where he belongs by one of those. If you know Cassie you better believe she is bringing him home if they tell her they'll take care of it and won't tell her where his home is.

I really hope we find the little guy's home and he's ok. I don't really want a dog but I don't want him put to sleep. He's pretty cute but needs a bath, so we have at least one thing in common.

Also, yorkie's look like miniature Silky Terriers, which is the kind of dog Charlie (my dog growing up that we had for about 15 years) was.

Update: Animal Control had him registered as a cat. Jay and Cassie took him back to the neighborhood where Jay found him and met a brother and sister walking another dog. They were looking for their other dog. Turns out his name is King.