WOMEN
CRUSHComparison: Elektra
Attractiveness: 1
The universal hottie for hotness, she is far and away the most attractive Gladiator. Sonia ranks her as most desirable and stated her willingness to make love to her. Men, feel free to 'bate to that and get back to this in a few.
Effectiveness: 1
She was decent enough the first night but the second night she clubbed the hell out of two girls in the joust. We are waiting for her to drop the stick and just start throwing punches.
Gimmick/Name: 1
Her name is passably decent, but her outfit makes her that much better. She is dressed conservatively (for a Gladiator), and that with her bedroom eyes make her that much more alluring. Did I mention that I want to sleep with her?
Average: 1
FURYComparison: Storm
Attractiveness: 6
Guh. Your new Gladiator name is "The Grenade."
Effectiveness: 5
She did alright in Earthquake, but her showboating in Hang Tough got her dumped in the water. We don't tolerate that kind of hotdogging or grand standing in American Gladiators. This is serious business.
Gimmick/Name: 6
Her outfit and hair are the worst of any of the girls. Her name isn't overly offensive but when she poses it looks like the mating ritual of an orangutan.
Average: 5.67
HELLGAComparison: Gold
Attractiveness: 4
That's probably too high of a ranking. If you want to have sex with it be my guest.
Effectiveness: 6
She's been all hype and when she moves she waddles like a fat gym teacher.
Gimmick/Name: 3
I have to admit that it took serious balls to include a pun in her name. Also, she's Hellga because she looks Scandinavian but she's apparently from Texas, and that makes me laugh.
Average: 4.33
SIRENComparison: Siren
Attractiveness: 2
She's attractive in a she would be cute if she weren't so buff kind of way, so congratulations to her on being a somewhat attractive and somewhat frightening woman.
Effectiveness: 3
She's been decent in everything. No complaints. Also, no jokes.
Gimmick/Name: 4
Two qualifications to be named Siren: 1)Be deaf or 2)Scream constantly. The fact that she didn't do this was a severe disappointment to me as a fan of annoying things.
Average: 3
STEALTHComparison: Blaze
Attractiveness: 5
I never wanted to have sex with Morris Chestnut in a wig but if you did then this is the girl for you, Captain Gayest-Man-Alive.
Effectiveness: 4
I don't remember her doing anything specific. Perhaps her name is the most appropriate of them all?
Gimmick/Name: 5
Stealth? Is your goal to go unnoticed? Sorry, you don't get points for being cunning, you get points for punching spunky soccer moms in the face.
Average: 4.67
VENOMComparison: Lace
Attractiveness: 3
She looks like a bleach blonde pornstar, which is to say she looks like every pornstar. Susan said she is too tan, which is funny to me.
Effectiveness: 2
She did a good job in Hang Tough the second night, despite the fact that I realized she is way too short to be in that event.
Gimmick/Name: 2
Her outfit is ridiculous but I think the name Venom is unique enough for a Gladiator. She does weird flips when she enters the arena, making me think she may have a background in cheerleading. "Ready? OK! We are Gladiators and we're here to say, we're going to snap your vetebrae! Yeah!!!"
Average: 2.33
Final Standings
1 Crush (1)
2 Venom (2.33)
3 Siren (3)
4 Hellga (4.33)
5 Stealth (4.67)
6 Fury (5.67)
All images obtained from NBC.com
2 comments:
My first reaction when hearing they named a new Gladiator Siren was, "She had better be deaf!"
As a reminder, the only reason we added the Wall to the Random Celebrity Random Showdown was to make a cheap shot about the deaf chick.
okay, I'll have to agree that the first one is pretty cute. Sonia's correct.
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