Ranking the Gladiators.

The new American Gladiators has debuted with a two-hour premier on Sunday night and a regular hour episode on Monday night. We had been gearing up for this for a while as we all were fans of AG in our youth and remembered the cheap thrills. It was mindless entertainment on a Sunday morning before church and that's how we liked it.

I watched all three hours. It was about what I expected: cheesy, at times boring, at times exciting, and mockable. It was fun to watch with friends, although most of us felt it impossible to watch alone.

I have decided to rank the Gladiators in an attempt to help you all determine which ones to idolize and which ones to scorn alongside those of us watching the show.

The men and women will be ranked seperately. They will be ranked (1-6) in three categories: attractiveness, effectiveness (at the competition), and gimmick/name. The lowest average score among these three will determine the overall standing of the Gladiator. I'm also going to name a classic Gladiator that each new Gladiator reminds me of for no real reason.

MEN

JUSTICE
Comparison: Laser

Attractiveness: 2
I will admit right now that the attractiveness values for the males are judged in part by the reaction of the females who watched the show with me. I used my judgment on some of these though and he seems like a reasonably attractive guy but too big in general.

Effectiveness: 2
He is massive and has crushed a few competitors in the Gauntlet and shot two people in Assault. I hope someone reads this who has not seen the show and thinks he has killed two people on television.

Gimmick/Name: 4
Doesn't have any particular gimmick but his name leads to announcers making all kinds of puns like "Justice has been served," or "Justice has been brought down on our competitors," or "Justice just shot two people!"

Average: 2.67

MAYHEM
Comparison: Tower

Attractiveness: 6
Every women in the world could come up to me and tell me Mayhem is gorgeous but he still looks like a tranny to me.

Effectiveness: 6
He stepped across to the opponent's pad twice in a row in Joust and did not stop anyone in Gauntlet. I think I have yet to see him win anything.

Gimmick/Name: 6
His gimmick is that he sucks.

Average: 6

MILITIA
Comparison: Hawk

Attractiveness: 5
He seems like a decent looking guy to me but he got his shorts ripped open last night and the ladies seemed unimpressed.

Effectiveness: 5
He got injured the first night and went one for two with an ass exposure on the second. He could accidently give a contender a handjob and still be better than Mayhem.

Gimmick/Name: 5
He just salutes a lot. Also, how can one man be a Militia? Can I call myself Navy if I'm a Gladiator?

Average: 5

TITAN
Comparison: Gemini

Attractiveness: 4
He looks like a buff Ken doll. When he was on Battledome as O'Dell he came out with the Dahm triplets. If I weren't scared of my girlfriend I would rank him #1 for that.

Effectiveness: 3
Titan is the professional Gladiator. He knows the rules and will be effective in all events.

Gimmick/Name: 3
He doesn't really have a gimmick either but he looks the most like a Gladiator in the conventional sense (i.e. steroid freak) and his name reflects that.

Average: 3.33

TOA
Comparison: Sabre

Attractiveness: 1
He is the Rock's cousin and stunt double. The Rock is awesome.

Effectiveness: 4
He did a really good job in Pyramid and the Wall. He would score a lot higher if he hadn't sucked at Powerball.

Gimmick/Name: 1
He has the most unique gimmick/name of all the Gladiators and it actually reflects his heritage (East Islander). He also does a haka.

Average: 2

WOLF
Comparison: Nitro

Attractiveness: 3
The crowd was divided on this one. Most girls thought he was scary, but Sonia thinks he has a hidden hotness. It should be noted that he is the second hottest Gladiator according to Sonia.

Effectiveness: 1
He rocked the shit in Powerball and Pyramid and went two for three in Hang Tough. He is going to be some sort of animal, but which one?

Gimmick/Name: 2
He howls when he is introduced. This is annoying at times, but his look and attitude make him unique enough to be the Gladiator that will be remembered after the show is canceled first week in February.

Average: 2

Final Standings:
T-1 Toa (2)
T-1 Wolf (2)
3 Justice (2.67)
4 Titan (3.33)
5 Militia (5)
6 Mayhem (6)

Female Gladiators coming soon.

All pictures obtained from NBC.com

The year in Raging.

GOOD
Movie: No Country for Old Men
This film challenges you and rewards you for thinking about the things we want and why we want them. The violence is not neat and clean. It is a fast and unexpected. This is a gritty, gritty movie. Tommy Lee Jones is wonderful in this even though Javier Bardem is the character everyone will remember.
Runner-Up: Ratatouille

Television: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
This show is incredible for it's characters and it's situations that it places them in. It is one thing to have an illiterate doofus as a character on TV, it's another to have him huff glue and spray paint and sing songs about someone breaking into his room and raping him.
Runner-Up: The Office

Music: Dethklok - Dethalbum
Brendon Small is funny. I knew this. Brendon Small is talented. I knew this. Brendon Small is funnier and more talented than I gave him credit for and this album is great. It is both a parody of a metal album and a great metal album.
Runner-Up: The National - Boxer

Athlete: Brett Favre
Does the American media have a broner for Favre? Yes. Is it annoying? Yes. Is it deserved? Yes.
Runner-Up: Devin Hester

BAD
Movie: Eastern Promises
Cronenberg is called edgy because he shoots things considered raw and dangerous. He is in fact vulgar. What he does adds nothing to the stories or dramas he is filming. It just makes them gross.
Runner-Up: Balls of Fury (no I don't need to see it to decide this)

TV: Fashionably Late with Stacy London
Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup
Runner-Up: Deal or No Deal

Music: The New Pornographers - Challengers
This wins by default. I didn't buy a lot of bad music this year and this was just disappointing is all.
Runner-Up: Motion City Soundtrack - Even If It Kills Me (same as above)

Athlete: Barry Bonds
This blog has nothing to do with Barry Bonds.
Runner-Up: Michael Vick

Jazz, fish, and fun chicks with glasses.

I had a good weekend of partying to get done. I took care of that business like I took care of yo' mom last night. That chick is crazy.

We went out Friday night to Kingston Mines for Becky's birthday. It would have been more enjoyable if we could get things done and be places on time. This can be challenging for my friends, who are all college educated and own clocks. It doesn't bother me all that much but when it's almost 11:00 and we haven't left yet to go to a bar we don't really want to go to in the first place, it can be trying. I did have a good time seeing Becky and Christine and Sonal, all of whom it had been a good while since I saw them last. I believe last time I saw them they were all in costume, and for once it wasn't a dream.

Kingston Mines is a strange place. It is a reggae/jazz/blues club that isn't really conducive to dancing or hanging out to talk with friends. I'm not sure what it is trying to be, but it is trying to be there (/bows). I've made my feelings towards jazz abudantly clear (I just don't like jazz) and reggae was framed perfectly by Barney this past season on HIMYM. So for the record, I would have had a good time anywhere with the company I was with, I just wish it were somewhere else.

On Saturday I had a work lunch at the Shedd. My old boss invited Cass and I to his company's holiday meal at Soundings. It was fun because we got to sit on the balcony above the otters. Cass refused to be ironic and order tilapia. "I can't go look his cousin's in the eye after eating him."

We went to Steph's party that night and had a good time. We really only knew Steph there so we hung out with her for the most part. It was a fun time getting there in the dairy queen blizzard and parking required an expanding loop around her house before we parked in an illegal snow zone with 40 other cars. United we can resist them. Steph was her wonderful self even though she seemed a little down. I hope we cheered her up a bit.

Also, Cass got her tits stared at.

Steroids are for people too.

The Mitchell Report is out and for those of you who don't know what that is it means a lot of baseball players got named for using performance enhancing drugs based on an investigation by a former senator. A few quick things:

-I am most happy that the prelist released a few hours early was way wrong in including Pujols and Farnsworth. Pujols because he is one of my favorite players and Farnsworth because it is more awesome for him to be naturally prone to rage.

-Most surprising are the names not mentioned, specifically McGwire, Brady Anderson, and Bret Boone. I would say that there is no way you can keep McGwire out of the Hall of Fame now. He was never convicted or shown to have done anything and he played in an era when others were doing illegal substances.

-Of the players mentioned there are like 20 I have never heard of at all. This means that there are a significant number of people who do steroids to be mediocre at baseball. Take that as a lesson illustrating the difficulty of the game and the greatness of those who excel at it.

-There are still heroes out there but don't idolize people. Humans are fallible. You may not like a lot of your heroes personally and they may be assholes who use steroids. Be prepared for this eventuality and don't be blindly devoted.

The effects of Quicksilver.

It was a bit disingenuous on my part in retelling the events of last week therein my blog of Monday. In truth events of significance did transpire but their importance warranted an entry of their own that their fruits may be fully dispersed and enjoyed. Now that the sheet has been pulled from my slight deception I pray you forgive me lest I lose devoted readership.

On Thursday Cassandra and I were seen to have ventured out to witness the glorious Art Show of our friend Janice. It had certainly been a good spell since we had crossed paths, the end of this most recent of soccer seasons for us two in fact. Upon entering the tavern we set upon locating our party. This became an easy task as our compatriots elected to make camp just steps beyond the doorway. I chose to greet Janice first since I noticed no definitive faces I found recognizable, only half lit profiles and vaguely familiar body shapes and hairstyles. I made it a point then to take the laboured route to Janice in order to obtain best vantage of all parties seated with our artist.

I greeted Janice with an embrace and a smile, she with warm greetings and thanks. She proudly pointed us towards her latest efforts currently still decorating the tavern wall. Let it be said now that these works are wondrous.

The polite exchanges of pleasantries ensued with all parties that had not been visited on in some time. Among these, in order of greetings, were Vanessa, Anne, Jed, and David Lamb. Cass and I became bees among the flowers, speeding from one wonderful bloom to the next with only brief chances to pause and enjoy the nectar. Casual conversation and nostalgia were the course of the evening, and Carlsburg was imbibed to the very brink of inebriation. I truly do miss many of these teammates, barmates, and mates that I seem to rarely find opportunities to become merry amongst since I find myself so merry in their company. Hopes have been cast that a similar spell without their company will not be endured.

Unnecessary Movie Review: The Conversation

Two things that get Taylor all a titter:

1) forgetting to mention that you watched the movie The Conversation with him

2) the movie The Conversation

Cass, Taylor and I watched The Conversation on Friday night. It was a perfect relaxing night in with friends that I needed after several weekends of travelling.

The movie was aptly described by Taylor as a quiet thriller. The film is not fast paced or heart pounding in suspense. It is more about atmosphere and characterazation than dialogue itself, which is of course ironic. I enjoyed the film and Hackman's performance. The only actors I did not enjoy were the women he loved (Teri Garr and some floozy).

My only problem with the film is it is laborious so it is not exactly the movie to watch when you are tired. I also found that the ending could be misleading as I interpreted it differently than both Taylor and Cass. I have since come around to their way of thinking, only because the movie never establishes an unreliable narrator and therefore what we see must be taking place.

Overall the film is solid on all fronts, including soundtrack. I don't think I would watch it again but would recommend it as a thoughtful, quiet thriller.

The tip of the thumb.

Sorry it's been awhile again. I actually had to work this week due to weather, illness, and funerals reducing our lab to skeleton crew all week. It's like working in a ghost town if it was a town that used to test horse pee.

Cass chronicled most of my recent experiences. It seems everyone I know has a blog now so most of what I do is chronicled already before I get a chance to do so. This frees me up to write about nonsense, a skill I honed in graduate school. I do just want to touch on our Door County weekend.

Cass came with me to see the parents the weekend after Thanksgiving. It was a great time. We rode up with Luke and Katie and stayed two nights. It was a snowy, cold wonderland there. This meant spending a lot of time inside playing with Aggie instead of taking walks with her. That's ok but I would've liked to go hiking or something. No big deal.

My mom got to see me with a beard which must have been exciting for her. She said she thought I looked nice. I thought that was polite.

We enjoyed the quiet evenings in just watching movies and relaxing with my folks. I am hoping to make it up in the spring when everything is blooming to enjoy the scenery and make Cass's allergies go apeshit.

This past weekend was a quiet one. Cass and I bummed around mostly dealing with this thing and that thing. I have to thank her for calming me down when I seem ready to lose my shit.

I didn't realize I would get to see Oli, Ang, and Lily over Christmas as well as Megan and Marty. Cass said something the other day that reminded me. This will be great as I haven't seen them in too long.

Rehab sucks. I may do a post on HMOs in the future if I ever decide I am boring enough to do that.

Unnecessary innuendo: I'll put my devil in your details, honey.

Mating a mongoose and a turkey would produce a monkey.

Sorry I've been gone a while. This time it wasn't laziness, but an actual injury that prevented me from blogging. I never thought that I would have a tangible excuse for neglecting the blogosphere.

Time to get caught up on things. I'll try to go chronologically.



The hand
It is healing well now. I had surgery about a month ago now. There is a metal plate and screws in my hand now that supposedly will not set off metal detectors. The surgery was a harrowing experience that taught me one lesson: UIC Hospital is to be avoided. Write that down. I will quiz you later. I was awake for the surgery and got a block on the arm, that is to say the entire arm was completely numb. It felt very weird, like a form of paralysis. Try as hard as I could the arm wouldn't budge. When they were administering the block they gave me wonderful drugs that made me loopy and goofy. I apparently made the doctors laugh enough to have to stop and start again a few times. The surgery itself was supposed to take an hour and wound up taking more than three. What pisses me off the most is how little they were willing to tell me and that no one would admit mistakes after the fact. If someone would just tell me what happened (which I know already regardless since I was awake for the thing) it would make me feel better. The orthopaedist who has seen me for followups is a complete douche. Cass has been with me through all of this and her support has been greatPOP QUIZ Which hospital should be avoided?



Hallowinona
Actually prior to the surgery but not the injury I did go play at Hallowinona. Playing one handed was a new experience. I didn't play as well as I wanted to but I did better than I expected. As far as the amount of fun is concerned I would say this rivaled any Hallowinona, and therefore any frisbee tourney ever. The team was so much fun and played and drank the same way: competitively. Check out pictures here. The indian costumes turned out great and my Warrior makeup made at least me chuckle so I count is as a win.



The Return of Marty
Marty came to visit and it was great to see him. I am happy to say that he has not been Eurofied at all, not that I necessarily expected such an occurence. Marty is a force of nature: he is not changed by his surroundings, his surroundings are changed by him. We had a great time just hanging around and eating Sweet Maple. I really can't wait for Christmas for the MegaMart American Holiday Tour.



A few other random observations:

• Both Dave and I have been missing softball something wicked lately.
• The Burlington is different now but at least they still serve New Glurlington.
• Everyone I know is employed by my girlfriend.
• It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the best show on TV.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Keep tuned for a drunken post sometime soon.

In stitches.

I haven't blogged in a while because of the hand. Of all the things I do at work, typing is the most awkward.

Now who wants to go see No Country for Old Men with me?

It's broken.

My hand is more stiff than anything else. Interestingly the most common question I get is "Were you safe?", as if this would make the whole thing worth it.

I'm really only pissed because Hallowinona is this weekend. I am still playing for the record.

Marathon Man(ia)

Cass and I volunteered at the Chicago Marathon this past weekend. We worked a Sprint booth looking up runners for people to tell them their pace, when they past checkpoints, etc. We were in Chinatown (Cermak and Wentworth). Some highlights:

-We arrived and locked our bikes to a bike rack on what I thought was the North side of the street. Cass helpfully pointed out that it was the South side.
-Cass got breakfast Chinese hot pockets for 75 cents each. The little c with a line through it on the menu confused her as to how much they wanted for them, thinking maybe it was Chinese currency.
-Sprint helpfully supplied us with black cotton t-shirts for volunteering in 95 degree weather.
-Some spectator came up and asking "What are you guys here for?" My helpful reply: "It's for the marathon."
-We borrowed a chair from some helpful firemen with awesome mustaches.
-I convinced myself that I could outsprint the Kenyan running team for 100 yards on the condition that the race starts 21 miles into them running a marathon.
-We stopped at Panera on the way home for lunch (6.5 hours out in the heat). On the way home was the real highlight of the day but Cass has to tell the story.

This picture disgusts.

When asked how he could make such a blunder considering he is the franchise player for the Cavs, Lebron said: "Maybe the Knicks wouldn't be so bad. They just play terribly, call women b****** and not give a f***. That's funny to me."

Later in the day Mike Ditka was seen in a Favre jersey.

I think they took a team shower with whore juice.

I had a good weekend out of town playing ultimate with the UIC men. We came into the tourney seeded 16th and finished 8th so that's an accomplishment. Our record also fails to illustrate the progress made by many of our inexperienced players. Watching someone catch their first goal in competitive play is wonderful.

I do have one funny anecdote over the weekend I would like to mention. The tournament was hosted by UW-Whitewater. Whitewater, Wisconsin is a small community just across the border on I-90. The team hosted a party at a bar in town. After our game against UWW (1 seed, we took first half, they were upset) we asked them about the party and got our bracelets. They guy handing us bracelets says "Oh, and the Bud Light girls will probably be out." Some guys on the team made the obligatory catcalls.

Fastforward to the party that night at the bar. I am hanging out with Julius getting really drunk (free beer) when all of a sudden I am overcome by the smell of jasmine and skank. I wheel my head to see three clubber girls walking through the crowd towards the back of the bar. The smell really was overpowering and keep in mind this is in a bar in rural(ish?) Wisconsin. Julius and I make a few choice remarks as to the promiscuous nature that the smell implies and then settle in to drinking again.

Later in the evening I feel the aura approaching again and this time I wheel my head to see the same girls now with Bud Light visors on their heads handing out free buttons and bottle openers.

One of the great advantages of Chicago is that when the Bud Light girls are going to be out that means supermodels wearing reavealing spandex. In Whitewater, it means they find three marginally attractive clubrats and dunk them in White Diamonds.

Avoid Whitewater, WI.

Hey everybody, free samples of me.

Cass and I went down to the lakefront yesterday to see the Cool Globes. It was a good time even though we didn't get to see all of them as it was getting dark. Some have solar panels and light up but not enough to view all the other cool globes. Subtle commentary on the failings of solar energy or quiet reflection on missed opportunities?

And now, for no reason at all, my top five t-shirts that I ever made:

5) I (heart) SATAN
4) There is no reason to search me.
3) IGNORE THIS MAN
2) (Picture of Sisyphus)
1) I WAS NEVER COOL

Quiet reflection on how awesome I am or bold statement of how awesome I am?

Does whatever an Iron can.

This is how it's done f*****s.

The fan you don't want.

While watching the Bears game this past weekend I was reminded of all the times I have tuned into sporting events in the middle of a game to watch my team collapse. I can't tell you how many times I would turn on a Brewers game and see them winning 5-0, only to watch them give up six runs in the next two innings. Maybe I'm just imagining this but it seems like anytime I try to actually watch the teams I enjoy I curse them.

Granted, Rex struggled after the half, which is a normal time for things to change, but it still made me wonder. Also, it would be a stretch to call myself a Rex fan.

Am I alone in this experience? Anyone else feel the same way? I honestly remember more times where I tuned in to watch a collapse than I have for a stunning comeback. Maybe I should stop rooting for teams that suck.

"I called it the Caleb point."

I have my new computer now. UPS was kind enough to leave it in our aparment lobby. Just inside the door to the street that doesn't close most of the time. In related news, UPS deliverymen are incompetent baboons.

I played a lot of sports over the weekend. Wicked Awesome's fall highlight reel started on Sunday, featuring the return of Beef Ox. This will be chronicled by someone else with accompanying picture soon enough so I will allow you to satisfy your softball curiosity elsewhere.

On Saturday FUNK had our first tournament of the fall in Naperville. I stayed at the Hatzfield residence the night before to get a good rest. I was feeling reluctant going into this tournament. I was ready to play but not exactly excited. This was a young team and I am now in my later 20s. I can't quite grasp the flavor of this as it alternates from motivating me more and burning me down.

We were supposed to have 27 players there (according to DM). I knew to expect less, however when it was time to start the first game and we had 12 I was a bit bewildered. Apparently confusion is the fuel that drives the Caleb-Train because I played my hardest the first game turning it into my personal mission statement of dedication to the team. I subbed as little as possible while maintaining performance. My best point, and by this I mean of my life not of the weekend, came about half way through the game when both teams were winding down from the initial spurts of energy and suffering a morning lull. I had three layout d's and felt personally responsible for driving my team to the goal. We ended up losing the point on a swilly huck but I still felt accomplished.

The rest of the weekend went much better than expected. We won our pool and played good ultimate until the end of the day post-bye when we failed to get reignited. Cass came and stayed about halfway through the second game. Her parents came and watched the second and third game we played, including a glorious victory on the last point of the game. I really appreciated having an audience.

I don't know what the future holds for my ultimate career. I had however been timid in laying out ever since this spring for a reason so secret I have yet to discover where it came from but its departure signals a welcome rebirth for me and an ominous warning for my opponents. Talking trash on the internet is not new, but neither is me pwning the ultimate field.

P.S. Someone mentioned the lack of pictures on my blog. Since I do not take many pictures I have instead decided to google the title of every post and take my favorite picture from the third page to lead the post. Hope this satisfies the photophiles.

And the fruits of it.

I bought a computer. It should be here soon.

In the meantime, this caught my eye.

When reached for comment, Troy Aikman said: "Your flesh smells like misery. Enjoy the toasted purple and leave my kingdom."

Labor

I took a week off from posting. I don't have a computer at home anymore so my posting is done at work when possible. This past week I had a heavy workload so I never had a chance to post my thoughts on Miss Teen South Carolina or Appalachian State v. Michigan. Both are equally awesome.

It was a long weekend, but not because I had off on Monday. On Saturday Cass, Jay and I helped Nate move. It was hard work but Nate's experience getting a truck was much more laborious.

Sunday I had to go into work. A three to four hour day turned into six as one instrument refused to work properly.

This resulted in me being too tired to do anything on Sat. or Sun. night so I stayed in all weekend.

Monday we tried to go to the beach but couldn't find a parking spot. It was lame and I felt bad for Charlie as he was so excited and then so confused. Then later we went to visit Ed in the hospital. He has meningitis. I gave him a gorilla. My work is done.

Acting Schmacting

Here's a list of actors.

• Christopher Walken
• Will Ferrell
• Vince Vaughn
• Ben Stiller
• Will Arnett

They are all good actors and I have enjoyed a lot of their work.

You know what else they have in common? Casting them in a movie won't save it from being shitty. If a script isn't funny to begin with it these fine men won't be able to generate a miracle. They need something to work with.

Balls of Fury is going to be terrible.

Cardinals wear silly red hats.

Jay and Ross came up and stayed with me this weekend. We went to Cards-Cubs on Friday and saw a relatively boring pitching duel. Watching a game with great pitching when you have no view of the strike zone is not very enthralling. The Cards managed to sweep the Brewers and drop two to the Cubs. This is the worst possible scenario for a Brewers fan, for example me. They have been bad since I was one. I was happy for a while this year.

I was thinking of how Cubs fans may react to that statement. You can say something about 100 years, but the Brewers haven't posted a winning record since 1992. Don't make me throw our incompetence in your faces.

Had a good time this weekend with the boys. Hung out, got drunk, business as usual. I'm really excited to get out and play frisbee again. I don't mind having weeknights to myself now but I do miss being outdoors, even when the weather decides it's Autumn whether our calendar likes it or not.

Superbad is many different kinds of wonderful.

Unnecessary Movie Review: Breakfast at Tiffany's

A bit of background:

IMDB average user rating: 7.8/10

Rotten Tomatoes rating: 84% fresh

Nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay

I had heard this movie was wonderful and a classic. I had heard Audrey Hepburn was divine as Holly Golightly. I had heard that this was a must see amongst my Netflix list now over 100.

This movie is bad.

In all fairness, Audrey Hepburn does a fine job with what she had. She was beautiful and passionate. She could not have done more.

My problems are myriad. I didn't feel anything for the characters. Not an instant of feeling sorry, sad, happy, anything. Every character was unlikable but not even to the point of being interesting. The dialogue was so overdramatic and unbelievable that it took me completely out of the film.

Most of everything in the movie was cliche. Did this movie create a lot of cliches? Maybe, but they are cliches I hate, so this movie can eat fist.

This movie left such a bad taste in my mouth that I don't even feel compelled to make an A*Team joke.

My Most Spirited Blog

I had a great weekend in Naporville playing Ultimate and hanging out with Cass's family. I can't thank them enough for giving me a place to rest after a hard tournament. Having a lake to jump into doesn't hurt either.

We played hard and well despite the intense heat and lack of cloud cover. Big thanks to Keith for coming out and playing a few points when we were low on men as well.

The finals were played between the Flynn brothers. Heckling them was the most fun I had all weekend. I think Colyn Bang-Bang's team beat Matt Bang's.

Cass won the spirit award for our team by a unanimous vote. She has progressed so quickly that in two months her blog will be filled with nonsensical jargon and inside stories that don't interest anyone.

We definitely have a fall league team now. Now we just need confirmation of a Wicked Awesome season for my Autumn to be fantastic.

Dingers!

So this Bonds crap is "over." The whole mess is ridiculous and tragic. Imagine how many up and coming players in the minors are now injecting all kinds of nonsense into themselves, and just so they can play better, not so they can get messed up before fisting some local field-rat.

Is he innocent until proven guilty? I suppose so, but when evidence is mounted against you there comes a point to prove your innocence. He never will, for the record. Even if he could, and I doubt it, the MLBPA will never allow that to happen.

I hate the argument that players these days have to do it in order to be able to compete. This is such utter b.s. players with guilty consciences tell themselves. What about all the players who don't do it and rely on talent to carry them? They didn't have to do anything. These are the players to idolize. It's a real shame too since this was such a good Hall of Fame year with two great baseball idols (Gwynn and Ripken) but their stories were lost amongst the hype.

Bud Selig looks like the Cryptkeeper's wife.

Unnecessary Movie Review: The Simpsons Movie

The biggest issue seems to be what to expect when going to see this movie. I approached it with cautious optimism, which I think is the best way to go about it. I didn't expect it to be the same as the classic seasons, but I did expect it to be better than the recent seasons. In this endeavor, I believe the film succeeds.

The movie starts out very strong and stays consistently good for the first half hour. The middle portion of the movie drags a bit but there had to be space to include some story. There are laughs in the middle but just not as frequent or as loud. I found the finish to the movie to be a bit over the top, but in retrospect it is perhaps appropriate given that it is the Simpsons MOVIE.

I have very few complaints about the film. Some of the story elements were a tad trite (Homer and Marge having a crisis of devotion) but they were done effectively I suppose. Some ancillary characters could have used more screen time, most notably Mr. Burns. I should not complain though since he gets the last line of the movie and it is my favorite.

All in all, the movie is good. It satisfied my expectations. It didn't blow me out of the water and reinvigorate my love of the series, but it felt like watching several very good episodes. I'd recommend renting it instead of seeing it in theaters because watching the Simpsons at home feels natural.

Favorite part: The last line like I mentioned. Also, the intro with Ralph set a very good tone for the film.

So long and thanks for all the British slang

Ollie and Ange's going away party was last night. We had a very good time over at CT's. I really enjoyed everyone's company. I missed Janice which means it's been about a month or so since we actually hung out. I will have to correct this soon.

I hope Ollie and Ange have a safe trip and enjoy their time abroad. I will truly miss the two of them and little Lilianna. She is a doll. When she comes back she will not know who I am (still) and speak mostly Spanish.

Favorite Britishisms Ollie taught me:

-Axe Wound
-Chav
-WHACK IT!!!


Buena suerte.

The troll is angered.

A big bridge collapsed. One I had driven on many times. I feel sorry for their loved ones, but I find myself wondering about the guy who was the last car to get across safely. I wonder if he felt the ground shaking and just slammed the gas, making it across as the concrete was crumbling behind him like in a cartoon.

Now every community in the country will demand that their bridges be updated for safety. No need to worry Grandma, we have reinforced the three foot span over Quietwood Creek.

Sorry if that last part sounded dismissive. I do have a heart, but it is constantly getting his ass kicked by my brain because he wields a deadly blade called sarcasm.

Have you ever seen the sun set at 1 p.m.?

Last night at ultimate the park security shut us down a little before 8 p.m. The park is technically open until sundown. There was plenty of sunlight left (at least 30 mins because it took us that long to get out of the parking lot and it was still light). The park security are a bunch of chavs. They don't have anything better to do but they want to leave a half hour early.

It did make me think of when I used to work night patrol at a park. I had fun times at that job. It was over summers my first two or three years of college. I would come in at 2 p.m. and all the day shift would be gone around 4 so I had the park mostly to myself. I really only had to lock up buildings and take care of gas for remote park sites in my region (three of them). If there was a building rental I would have to sometimes stay late to clean up but these were usually parties that I could pretty much ignore until they left. They would also often be of higher income and give me tips for staying late. My responsibilities being minimal and my supervision being nonexistent lead to me doing some interesting things. Some favorite activities of mine:

-If I was staying late for a party (past ten, park closes), I would kick people out of the park. No one ever gave me the authority to do so but I took it upon myself. This was fun because I would catch tons of teens (some I went to high school with) in the backseat in the midst of fumbly, awkward sex. It was also amusing pulling up on a bunch of underage kids drinking who would bolt when they saw me but leave their booze behind.

-Stealing chairs left behind by rental companies for massive company picnics.

-Hitting golf balls into the water tower. It made an awesome gong sound.

-A one time only occasion me and two friends went into the park late and shot of fireworks. We were having a bottle rocket war when I saw a cop pull into the far end of the park (we did it in a strategic location where I knew how to look out for people approaching). My friends ducked behind some trees and I ran and jumped into my truck. When the cops pulled up they asked me if I saw anyone lighting off fireworks. I told them that the kids ran off when they saw me. They told me to call if I see the kids again and then they left. We then went back to what we were doing.

Good times. Fun job. I could have gotten away with a lot more. I wish I had a girlfriend at the time but I could say that about a large portion of my life.

Back on the ultimate track, it looks like we will be playing fall league and men's club this fall season. This is good because I get to play with Cass and continue to watch her kick more and more ass, and I also get to play with the boys at some fun tourneys. I'm looking forward to it.

On a bit of a downer, I found out the Thermals played at Wicker Parkfest and I missed them again. I would be more pissed but they only played a half hour and I would have had to go to Wicker Parkfest to see them.

Unnecessary Movie Review: Ratatouille

Ratatouille is French for incredible movie.

This movie exceeded my every expectation and was more heartwarming and genuine than anything I had seen all year. It looks incredible with even the hairs on the rat being well defined. The streets of Paris look amazing, although they are too clean from what I saw of Paris. Initially I was skeptical that I could be motivated to become passionate about a rat that is cooking. This was never an issue as almost immediately the audience develops a connection with the rat.

This movie is not just for children. This movie is not a kids movie that was made more for adults. This is a movie that everyone can watch and find something to enjoy. Brad Bird is phenomenal. He proves that for every Ice Age 2 or Over the Hedge that relies on voice talent and cheap laughs, he can make a thoughtful film that relies on the story.

See this movie. You will be immersed and forget that you are watching an animated film. You will be amazed at how close you feel to the characters. You will laugh afterword with whomever accompanied you and laughed just as hard.

The short at the beginning is hilarious as well and shows how well Pixar can depict emotion using their characters, even without dialogue.

Favorite part of the film: The flashback scene at the end was incredible. No spoilers.

Hot, Reckless, Totally Insane

Frisbee last night left me in a good mood but disappointed as well. I played well but got beat by two swilly throws. Most reading won't know what that means but rest assured that it means the other guy got lucky. That combined with my team underperforming despite winning makes me a little upset but ok on the whole.

A lot has transpired since I last posted. Martha came to town and is as bombastic as ever. Even thought I am not entirely sure what that word means I am 100% sure of that statement's accuracy.

Cass and I went to see the Simpson's Movie. I also haven't posted about Ratatouille yet. I will get to these shortly.

Seems that fall softball is all that anyone can think about. Colin will take care of it when he pleases and no amount of pestering will accelerate this.

Tyler's going away BBQ was enjoyably relaxing. I have no further review. Best of luck to him in his new adventures.

Cass and I had brunch the next day with Jess. I hadn't seen here in a while so it was nice to catch up. She is as pleasant as ever. I got Big Mike's Irish because I had been craving it since the night before.

Soccer is winding down. Tonight appears to be a going away game of sorts. Ollie and BJ will be departing. This is sad indeed as it not only means the departure of two good friends but two quality players. Godspeed.

This post is all over the place. Try to keep up.

I needed to celebrate my first paycheck. I hadn't done it yet so I wanted to go out but it never happened so I decided to buy myself something I've wanted for a long time. I narrowed it down to Band of Brothers or Futurama. Dave owns Band of Brothers so Futurama will be here sometime next week. I hope this excites many of you despite Cass's disinterest. Jay, help me out.

Living with Dave has been excellent. The secret? Chore Wars.

Andy left for Japan this past weekend. Best of luck to him, what with Godzilla and all.

On Hold

Sorry about the lack of updates but my internet at home is not working right now. Updating at work is not very easy so a few quick updates:

-Wicked Awesome was incredible fun
-Cass is becoming awesome at frisbee
-Soccer hasn't happened in a month
-Wedding this weekend in Minnesota was excellent

Crippler

I walked across the field to accompany Cass. She likes having company, even when there isn't much to talk about. It was a nice day so I didn't mind the walk, besides it was giving my legs a little warm up before the game. We saw a lone ultimate player setting up by a far sideline. As we got closer I realized that she was the girl from the other team who badly injured her ankle last week. We approached to say hi and ask if she was ok. My cellphone rang.

It was my brother who I hadn't heard from in a while and would need to visit soon so I felt obligated to answer despite just initiating a conversation with someone. I apologized and picked up the phone.

"Hey, what's up?"

"You checked any boards lately?"

"Can you give me a second?"

"Sure."

I knew right then that something bad was going on. For as much joy as wrestling has given me over the years it also is a business mired in tragedy. The business seems to swallow people whole rather than reward them.

I made small talk with this girl. She was very grateful for how nice our team was to her (I had offered Ibuprofen and IcyHot, Cass had lent a pressure wrap) so she had made us cookies. I was amazed at how nice that was and how happy she seemed despite having a very thick, visible brace on her most likely tender ankle. At the same time, I was burning with dread for what my brother would say as soon as I would speak with him.

We said our goodbyes and I immediately brought the phone to my ear. My brother and I had a brief exchange before he said:

"Chris Benoit and his family were found dead."

The rest of the conversation was just discussing our confusion and speculating as to what could be happening. None of this made sense. I played an awful game that night and our team was crushed by Colyn Flynn's team. Cass played like a stud. My head wasn't in the game. I went home and immediately went on the internet to see if there was anything that could help me make sense of this. I was sad and upset. A lot of this came from the fact that not only was Chris Benoit dead, but his family as well. Wrestlers had died, essentially just from being wrestlers. Eddie, recently. But his family?

I missed Raw that night. Apparently it was an emotional tribute to Chris Benoit. At the time, I was sorry I missed it because it was very heartfelt and real with messages from Chavo and Dean, two of Chris's best friends, as well as others.

I woke up the next morning hoping something would happen that would cheer me up and clear up some confusion. It didn't. The news was indicating that the deaths of Chris Benoit, Nancy Benoit, and Daniel Benoit were the result of a double homicide/suicide perpetrated by Chris Benoit.

All the sadness turned to anger. The confusion remained. How could you have done this Chris? What possible reason could there be?

Frustration has set in. In an act of violence Chris Benoit has made it impossible for me to feel anything but anger towards him. I can't imagine a point when I can watch one of his matches again and enjoy it. WWE had to issue an apology for airing a tribute to him.

How can I mourn a fallen hero when I no longer idolize him and instead resent him? Kirby Puckett abused his wife but when I was young he was one of my heroes. His death was a tragedy. I could remember the good times then. Chris Benoit's death was a senseless act of violence carried out by an unstable man. I cannot remember anything but pain.

I feel sorrow now, for Nancy and Daniel, as well as the surviving members of the family and their loved ones. But mostly I feel anger. I had said that for sixteen years all Chris Benoit did was devote his life to entertaining me as a wrestling fan. That is no longer true. He has taken my ability to be a fan of his away.

Eventually the anger will go away and be replaced by something else. Until then, I just push it away and focus on the good things in my life. These things will no longer include Chris Benoit. And this is his punishment. He will not be remembered or memorialized. He will be resented and despised as he should be.

The confusion will always be there. This will never make sense.

Capricious

Cass has been gone all week. Taking care of the Cheese has been fun but he started limping today so it's possible that she will murder me tomorrow.

My arm was sore for the beginning of the week but it feels fine now. I need to calm down with my throws from the outfield plus frisbee.

Tryouts again this weekend followed by a game. I am psyched but a bit nervous. I am by far the shortest male at the practices so I have to do more to stand out.

It's my last day at my old job (well, until I start my new one, I may pick up some hours on odd days) and all I did up until now was work. This was self driven work. I thought I would check out but I find myself neck deep in a task before I realize that I'm even working. Not to say that I'm having a blast, just my mind is turned off but still running.

I beat Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time last night after a bout of frustration. The game is fun and the puzzle solving is exciting. Too bad they took a lot of it out in the sequels to make way for more fighting, which sucks.

I am reading Moneyball right now. I will do a full review when I'm done but one thing I wanted to say right now is I'd be interested if anyone has done a retrospective on players mentioned in the book. I'll elaborate later. This is how we foreshadow.

I bought my Dad two books for Father's Day: Up Front and The Death of WCW. My father can appreciate WWII cartoon history and wrestling history. If you know that and that he plays golf that's a pretty thorough character sketch right there.

Mouthful of Ledger

O'Halloran was in town for the gala opening of Nicolas's studio. I'm told it was a nice time. I missed it for a work BBQ that was enjoyably relaxed with good food. I did get to drink with K-Hall after and last night as well. It is always a good time when he is around, even if handjobs are the major topic of discussion.

I got a new bike. I bought the Kona Smoke. Thank you Nate for the head's up on this bike as I love it and can't wait to take it on a real ride. I will bike to the game today so that's a little taste of city riding for me. I had them remove the fenders and replace the handlebars as I didn't like the look and feel of the bike with riser bars. I feel like PeeWee Herman riding a bike with risers so unless I was ready to go on a soul searching adventure through America's heartland with a cast of miscreants I wanted a different look for my bike.

Looking forward to Wicked Awesome style gameplay (which sounds like a video game feature) in about an hour. I'm sure we will have a great time.

Cass is in NC. Although I miss her already it is good bonding time with Chuckles. Cass, hope you are having so much fun you don't have time to read this.

I need a haircut.

Gone for a while, but I'm home

I apologize to anyone who reads this blog because you are someone who actively cares about me. I have been away for a good while and instead of having a good excuse or tales of wonder to share this paragraph is just a display of my ineptitude as a writer.

The big news of course is that I was offered a job. Not a job like a place that will employ me for an hourly wage but a career job. I am supposed to start the middle of this month even but we will see if that actually happens. Most importantly, this will keep me in Chicago for a few years at least. I am a combination of excited and terrified with a hint of determination. It feels like my first day of mountain climbing school.

This is news I have to declare. I will post more this week as I should have time to do so.

End communication.

Unnecessary Movie Review: Spider-Man 3

I decided to hold off doing this review until I was sure how I felt about the movie.

Overall, the movie was lacking in story. The previous two movies were visually pleasing and involving. This one had me feeling disinterested for the most part. It is still visually pleasing and some of the fight scenes would be the best in the series if the train scene in 2 didn't exist.

Goodness:
-Action scenes were well done.
-CGI is the best of the three films
-Bruce Campbell is all kinds of great.
-Bryce Dallas Howard makes Kirsten Dunst look like an elfish shrew.

I have a lot of problems with the film but it probably has a lot to do with expectations. I think a second viewing might lighten my stance on some of these things. The crying needs to go. This is actually my second biggest complaint about the film. My biggest?

Spoiler Alert. Skip to the bottom if you have not seen the movie and want to be surprised.







I was hoping the previews were misleading in some way but they were not and Sandman is actually responsible for killing Spider-Man's Uncle Ben. This irritates me to no end. In some sense Peter is still responsible for his death because the other robber was involved, but it still destroys part of the origin story and motivations for Spider-Man. I am not happy about this change.

For those who think I just don't get it, believe me I do. Absolution for Peter's actions as Venom had to come in some way but I didn't think this should be the way.







End Spoiler

Overall I didn't enjoy the movie all that much when I saw it. I am willing to give it a second chance. It's still better than half of the comic book movies made so far.

Let this abomination before God commence!

Cass gave Charlie a haircut the other day. He now looks like Seymore Asses, Fry's dog from Futurama. Photographic evidence.


Had a great time in Champaign-Urbana. Jay's Birthday was celebrated with steaks at Alexander's (I really have to cook my own meat?) followed by drinks at Crane Alley. Saturday we saw Spider-Man 3 (Unnecessary Review forthcoming, I know you wait with baited breath) and then celebrated Cinco de Mayo at three different parties. I thought the days of getting drunk at my friend's keggers were over but just when I think I'm out, they blah blah this is overdone.

Only thing of note today was that I had a long morning of work and then came home. Jay was over hanging out and waiting to go to dinner. I had laundry that I had to do today so I went to Morley's and got that in before going to dinner. I then went back to finish laundry. When I got home Cass asked if I was ok and then accused me of being pissy at dinner. Looking back I realize that I may have been a little bit for no reason other than frustrated at a long day of work and having to do laundry. My apologies to all those who ate dinner with me, especially Cass and Jay.

Instead of doing an Unnecessary Book Review that no one will read, I will instead stick a one sentence review of The Devil's Disciple by Judy Miller Snavely here at the end that no one will read. I didn't particularly find the story to be uniquely interesting and the writing style was off-putting in that she chooses strange times to editorialize, as well as strange times to not editorialize.

How's this for gay???

Had a good weekend in Milwaukee. It was all about relaxing whether that meant just hanging out at the Art Museum or doing shots of Wild Turkey.

My friends got me really drunk on Friday night. We got wasted and went out to a local bar called Yield. It was a good time but my friends don't do much of anything in moderation. Cass got along with my friends and they liked her enough to get her wasted by feeding her shots.

Saturday we went to the Art Museum with Luke, Katie, Andre and Katie. It was a good time joking around with each other in between mocking a lot of the crap there. There were a lot of good pieces too but I mostly remember the fun mocking. Then we went and ate manly meals at Water Street Brewery.

Saturday night was spent relaxing after a long day out. Late in the evening, we got hungry again so Cass and I took a trip to the "local" Taco Bell. On the way back, in a dark strip of the road, I hit a deer. It rolled over the top and very little damage was done to the car. The deer however most certainly broke its legs as it was struggling at the side of the road. We pulled over and called the police to come take care of it. Cass and I waited until the policeman arrived. He got out and began approaching us but stopped to examine the deer. Without warning he drew his pistol and fired a shot into the deer. Cass watched this and recoiled in horror. I tried to console her as the policeman examined more closely. Just as Cass said "Well at least he's dead now," and turned to look again, the policeman fired another shot.

Sunday we went out and got ice cream and bought plants for my brother and sister-in-law. Then we went over to Chuck's and Cass got to experience the Wii. Together we beat everyone else in Wii Bowling thanks to a 29 pin final frame by Cass.

P.S. The above video was posted to remind you not to f*** with polar bears. The previous video was posted to remind you how weird German people are.

German polar bears that won't murder you.

Unnecessary Book Review: The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid

This was my first experience reading Bill Bryson. I had heard good things about him from my father, Colin, Cass, various dogs, etc. I must say I was not disappointed.

This story is the autobiography of Bill Bryson's childhood. It is interwoven with childhood fantasies but for the most part is a nonfiction retelling of life in the Midwest during the 50s and 60s. Bryson does a good job of describing the world without dwelling on detail. The reader is allowed to fill in small details with how they would picture this world to be and it makes for a powerful visual image.

Bryson's writing style is humorous and good-natured. There is very little animosity in his words and when it does appear it is almost always done for effect, be it a laugh or otherwise. He seems so earnest in his desire to chronicle what Des Moines was as opposed to self-glamorization, as if it were a cherished uncle sharing stories at a funeral to remind everyone how great things used to be.

What are some bad things about the book? You are such a negative Nancy sometimes, imaginary reader. Well, the book does jump around a lot between descriptions of childhood and descriptions of American life in general. This is done mostly to aid the reader's understanding of things. Only once did I find a general life description to be carrying on. Also, a bit of the humor and exposition is clearly aimed at an older audience (read: your parents) but I can appreciate this as the book was lent to me by my father.

The book is not deep. There are no secrets hiding behind the surface. The book is a story of a kid's life, not anything more. This is not a criticism of the book at all. It is not always necessary to use symbolism and weave a morality tale into a simple story (do you hear me M. Night Shamaylan?!!!).

Overall, the book was a simple joy. I imagine my father enjoyed the book more than I did. I hope to see him soon to talk to him about it and thank him. I look forward to sampling Bryson's fiction work in the future.

Favorite part: The licorice baby story. By far.

Unnecessary Movie Review: Muppet Treasure Island

Let me start by saying I love the Muppets. I will probably never stop loving Muppets. There is no reason not to love Muppets.

That being said, Muppet movies can be difficult to watch sometimes. You definitely have to be in the right mood to watch people interacting with socks and get enjoyment out of it.

This is by far the best of the Brian Henson Muppet features. It has a lot of great comedic moments in it and some outstanding (read "over the top") performances from Tim Curry and John Cleese. Gonzo is great here as usual. Oh, and there are pirates and monkeys and Muppets.

There is a lot of bad about this movie that you should keep in mind. As with all Muppet films (with the exception of the first) there are at least two song/dance numbers that are terrible. Miss Piggy sucks. The main actor who plays Jim Hawkins sucks. Rowlf has no lines in the movie.

Overall, this is a great Muppet film that starts very strong and keeps going for the first hour or so and then kind of tails off into comedic purgatory. I'd say add it to your list if you've never seen it but hold off on watching it until you are in a goofy mood.

Muppet List-o-Mania

Top Muppet Movies:
1. The Muppet Movie
2. Muppet Treasure Island
3. The Great Muppet Caper
4. Muppet Christmas Carol
5. Muppets Take Manhattan

Top 5 Muppets
1. The Great Gonzo
2. Rowlf
3. All of the Electric Mayhem
4. Statler & Waldorf
5. Sweet 'Ums

Top 5 Non-Muppet Creations of Jim Henson's Studio:
1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
2. Jim Henson's Storyteller
3. Fraggle Rock
4. The Dark Crystal
5. Farscape

Rowlf and Fozzie (probably the 6th best Muppet)

It's hard out here for a gimp (a pun).

Cass's ankle is doing much better now and she played soccer last night. It was great to see her out there because when she has to sit around inside all day for a week and can't run around she gets stir crazy. She played well. We connected on a perfect cross for a goal. The assist was done with dedicated professionalism and the finish was done with a flair. Woooooo!!!!

I played in my first Spring League Ultimate games this past Saturday. It was fun but challenging. I signed up with Cass for the Simpsons (non-competitive/beginner) league. I was the best player on the field for either team both games (told to me by outside sources, not me bragging). It made things difficult because I could tell my team was relying on me to make a play most times. This results in a lot of running for me and pushing myself harder. It will make for an interesting season but I'm sure I'm capable because I'm awesome and have a great body (again, not me bragging, your mom told me that).

And now for no good reason, certainly not because anyone demanded it, are my top five albums released since I got to college.

1. Bloc Pary - Silent Alarm
2. The New Pornographers - The Electric Version
3. The Thermals - The Body, The Blood, The Machine
4. Motion City Soundtrack - I Am The Movie
5. Alkaline Trio - Crimson

That's in no particular order and off the top of my head. I'm sure if I spent some time pontificating and perusing my collection I might make some changes, but then again if I didn't think of it right away how great could it have been?

For fun:

Happy Easter Y'all

Quite the weekend coming up. I have:
-A soccer brunch
-Frisbee games
-A solo drive to my brother's
-Easter lunch at Grandma's
-Work to finish

I am not attending church for Easter this year. Jesus did die at some point though so I feel a little bad about this. I may paint some eggs.

Alanis Morissette makes me smile

Unnecessary Movie Review: Treasure of the Sierra Madre

In conclusion, Humphrey Bogart is great and so is everything he does.

This movie really is a classic, and it deserves this acclaim. Every actor in this film turns in a solid performance and is believable in their role. Bogart is of course awesome but in a different way as he is the least likable character in the film. The direction does a good job of relating the characters' isolation and desperation. The score is solid.

I have a very limited number of complaints about the film. It does move a little slowly in the beginning and in the very middle. There are quite a few scenes that seemed unnecessary. The morals tend to be repeated or spelled out so clearly that there is little to nothing that needs to be interpreted.

Overall the film is excellent even if it is a tad long. I would recommend that it be added to your queue fo sho.

With appreciation for Woody

Quote of this past week:

Cass (after catching the disc for an hour and a half): "I can't feel my hand anymore!"

Matt W: "We call that the stranger."



"You don't post that much lately." says the imaginary fan of my work.

"I've been doing a lot of stuff" I say, which is the common excuse used by neglectful bloggers everywhere. "That and not much has been going on."

Are these excuses valid? Depends, what are you demanding? Are they true? Absolutely.

What have I been up to?

-Played my last game of indoor soccer, I hope ever. It was fine I guess and I love my teammates (..for he who sheds his blood with me on this day shall be my brother...) but indoor is too confined, too much of a melee, and not nearly the same as being outside. Thanks for a great season anyway 4 Ton Mantis. Congrats to BJ, Cass, and Scrappy for their awards, which were all well deserved.

-Got really drunk on St. Patty's and went to two great parties. Thanks to the hosts: Janice and the Frisbee guys. I got probably top ten of all time style wasted and got slapped around by a lot of people. Then some asshole broke a glass over a drinking game.

-Teaching Cass how to play Ultimate. She is taking to it well, although she is her own worst critic. She's going to rock once we get on the field and the other girls can't keep up with her.

-Played soccer tonight at the lighted courts at Sheridan. Had a blast, but exhausted myself. My legs feel like rubber and my eyes are playing tricks on me so I think I'm updating my blog but I'm probably busy typing on the blender right now. Thanks to those who played: Oli Oli Oxenfree, Drogos the Dragon, Twinkletoes, the Diplomat, and Anne (who I just met tonight but I will invent a nickname for right now) the Super Turbo Ghost Ninja.

Also I plan on writing a movie review tomorrow. I am going to start reviewing films I Netflix in hopes that you (the rest of the blogging community) will do the same so that we can have a streamlined Netflix system between us (move recommendations up, lampoons down).

A docent portrayal.

I played host this past weekend for my brother and sister-in-law. They had Monday off so they came down for the weekend and we hit up MSI, the Field, and the Shedd. Good times were had by all.

MSI needs to be renovated. I mean a complete overhaul. I had been there two years ago and I liked it then but when I saw it this time I realized how rarely they update anything. A good hint is how all the computers and videos have the obvious imprint of the 80s on them. Of all the types of museums in existence a science museum should be updated most regularly to stay current.

The Field is the same as it always is, interesting and large yet somewhat tedious at times. I do enjoy myself there but it is the museum I visit most often with guests due to its location. The nature/animal section seems to go on for miles. Sue is still there and she is still a beauty. The Egyptian tomb remains unchanged, which might be an interesting commentary on something if I could piece together a decent analytical sentence.

The Shedd was enjoyable as always. They provide a good mix of things so that you are not just looking at fish tank after fish tank. The lizard exhibit was exceptionally well done but as always the best parts are the otters and penguins. Scariest exhibit were the ants after Cass educated me on exactly how these particular ants would kill me.

A note of chauvinism: The Field has an overabundance of hottie hot hots. I do not know why this is but the other two museums were far behind in the physical attractiveness of patrons, and that's not just because I was there.

Unnecessary Book Review: The Cobweb

Recently finished reading The Cobweb by Neal Stephenson and J. Frederick George. My thoughts:

-Really interesting to read a book from Stephenson set entirely in a time frame I experienced.

-Carl Banks ranks among the most kickass of Stephenson characters, those being Nell, Y.T., and Bobby Shaftoe.

-Stephenson is an amazing author when it comes to mixing intellectual thought with action. The story is well thought out and involving.

Where does this rank among my favorite Stephenson books? I would say it was better or on par with Snow Crash but still not as good as Diamond Age or Cryptonomicon. However among all the books of his that I have ever read this one strikes me as the easiest to make the transition to film/TV.

This is super relevant because of this article that makes me all happy on the insides.

Overall, this book is fun and smart. The characters feel very real and I felt sincere concern for their well-being. I give it one thumbstar out of zero.

Favorite part: Stephenson's exposition on a grad student having to write grants and include specific language that doesn't mean anything (buzzwords) to get more money. Terms like "negative body count." That kind of nonsense was very familiar.

This is ruining my birthday.

Thanks to all who made it out for our birthday celebration on Sat. I had a blast and it was great to see everyone. Special thanks to Tom and Jay for driving the furthest to be there and helping with the setup/cleanup of the party.

It's my birthday and I had to wake up an hour earlier than usual to be at work for a conference call.

Keep an eye on Cass's blog for pictures from the party.

Work? No. Today's gonna be a holiday.

Joint Birthday party for myself, Cass, and Colyn.

My place. 8pm. Saturday the 24th.

You are invited. Bring booze, we will have food.

If you need directions, email or call.

When you're mining for coal and you forget what coal is...

I've had kind of a spacy week. It started out with Martha lashing into me with a sarcastic barb that to be fair I probably deserved.

Last week Wed. was Valentine's Day which came and passed as it does every year for me: without fanfare. My feelings on Valentine's Day are as follows: yes, it is a greeting card holiday but what is the harm of doing something nice for each other?

That night we had co-ed ultimate practice and I convinced Cass to come play. She had previously mentioned that I never invite her to come learn the sport that I devote so much of my time to so on the evening in question I forced her to come play. We had a good time.

Thursday was Cass's birthday. Fortunately for me I had a meeting downtown (Sears Tower, 50 somthingth floor!) so I had a chance to stop by and pick up a new soccer ball and some socks for her. That night we had a good game and another victory for 4 Ton Mantis. Cass's parents and Jay watched us play which was fun and later Colin and Nate joined us at Tuman's for a birthday celebration. Cass got drunk, which as I said before is more cute than anything else.

Friday evening I took Cass out to dinner for her birthday. Dinner at Rosal's is always good. This time I got veal, which made me wonder what baby everything tastes like. I had a good time. Afterwards we journeyed to Logan Square for a night of poker. I lost my $10, mostly to Nate I believe. I'm okay with this since his hair is growing out and I can convince myself that I lost my money to a feudal lord.

Saturday I had an ultimate game against DePaul. We won 17-10 in about three inches of snow. It was a blast but it didn't really help us evaluate anything in the way of what we need to work on. Sloppy conditions more than lack of experience changed the game. Saturday night Andre and Katie were in town for Katie's birthday and they invited me and Cass downtown for dinner and drinks along with Katie's brothers and Gabe and Emily. These people are always good company. Andre was entertaining as always.

Sunday morning I made waffles and had Ultimate practice. Practice turned out to be a good workout and strategy session. Our meeting after was entertaining and productive. Then we went to Logan Square for games and conversation that was not productive and only marginally entertaining. Then I stopped talking to the dog and had a good time with everyone there.

As I typed all that out I realized I had a busy week last week. That's what I meant when I said it was a spacy week because I barely remember

"I found a fatal flaw in the logic of love..."

Colin: Everyone blog about this. Jay, do it.
Jay: Well, I don't...
Colin: If you don't do this, we aren't friends anymore.

Happy B-Day Lily.

What did we do with the ball?

Team 4 Ton Mantis started their win streak last night. We finally got to play a game against opponents that were not overtly aggressive. We played well together, using tight controlled passing to open up our game and get some quality shots on goal.

Anne impressed all in her first game showing great poise and delivering powerful strikes at the goal when given the opportunity.

BJ as always played every end of the floor and served as a stopper, stealing the ball from the opponent on our end of the floor to turn their attack into a chance for us.

Cass was able to turn her aggression down a notch for our friendlier opponents, but still played strong and controlled her end of the field, in addition to finding the spaces for strikes that found the back of the net or hurt someone foolish enough to stand in the way.

Colyn showed athleticism in all parts of the field, able to cover half the field if necessary and skying every opponent to put a nice head on the ball. Colyn is all about nice head. And killing shots fifteen feet high of the goal.

Dave Lamb placed some nice shots and played his usual confusing (that’s a compliment, the opponents are confused) style of British football. When he isn’t deftly touching the ball he is saying something funny and British.

Dave M. played hard and had numerous excellent scoring opportunities from nice touches or clean passes. His strikes were very good at finding opponents’ hands.

John continues to improve his game every week. This week he attacked in addition to outstanding stopping ability in the goal against opponents at even point blank range.

Leslie did a very good job of controlling her area of the field and clearing the ball from danger. She also continues to improve her game and should be a superstar by the end of the season.

Martine played a strong control game and attacked opponents who dared to enter her area of the field, stripping even the most adept strikers to prevent chances.

Mike played every inch of the field and showed great teamwork by passing to others instead of forcing shots. He accounted for half of the goals scored in the night if we count an own goal.

Seth played in the box almost exclusively and shut down the opponents. Solid strikes were deflected away as easily as annoying flies by the cow’s tail, and he also showed no fear in advancing far out of the goal to strip the ball from an attacker.

Lastly, Janice cheered well and performed all the duties of a captain, proving that her team spirit was not injured in the fall.

4 Ton Mantis won it 8-2.

Thanks to everyone for making it a fun night. I regret that there were members of the team unable to attend. We made up for some of the absence by screaming “Wahck eeyt!” from the sidelines as often as possible.

I am a monkey.

Tom and Steve were in town this past weekend so I spent most of my time hanging with them and being sore. The soreness came from running a lot with the Frisbee team on Friday, not from me being upset at something.

Super Bowl was fun even if the Bears couldn't manage the win. I went to two parties. Both were enjoyable and I got to spend time with a lot of friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. I did miss the halftime show. Thank god for YouTube.

Currently, what has been dominating my thoughts has been my ears. Perhaps this requires further explanation. I will make this so.

After the Super Bowl at BS, CT, and JM's, we all went outside to the square for a game of football. Good times were had by all, but some facts are worth mentioning.
-It was well below zero with the wind chill.
-I was not dressed appropriately.
-I was very drunk
-Every football game should have a bottle of whiskey in a fountain ready for access.
-The cops were called to break us up.

Every one walked away bruised and sore. Not to be self-centered except that I'm about to forget about everyone else's little wussy problems and focus on mine, but I got beaten up. My nose got cracked at some point so now it is soft, sore and swollen. My knees got rocked as my jeans provided little padding. The left was covered with frozen blood after the game. Most importantly, I was drunk and didn't think to ask to borrow a hat and instead played with nothing covering my (stupid) head.

The result of making this decision? Frozen ears, possibly frostbittten, as after returning home and showering they turned bright red and swelled up to ridiculous size. Cass snapped this picture to capture the first manifestation of my inner-monkey that has waited so long to finally make an appearance.

Still had a good time.